An Open Letter to the Sender of Recent Junk Mail

[Katastrophe]

I recently received a piece of junk mail that sent my wife into fits of howling laughter. I feel it is fitting to respond here, and maybe you'll laugh a bit, too.


Dear Doctor Bullock and Doctor Bullock:

Thank you for your interest in my health, and for sending the advertisement via mail for my perusal. It does my heart good to know that there are people out there genuinely concerned for my health and well being. I'm truly glad that you have a thriving business in these tough economic times, and are trying to expand your clientele. You both seem completely qualified to do your work and both put forth a credible, professional, caring image with the photographs on the ad.

There is, however, a snag or two that is preventing me from utilizing your services.

I don't have a vagina, or any other part of the female reproductive system.

I'm a dude. Have been all my life. I'm quite happy with my dudeness, and feel no desire to change to the other team. Besides, I've seen the tools you use and, well, I'm pretty sure they are on a "Prohibited Tools for Torture" list, somewhere.

The ad was good for a laugh or two from my wife, who actually saved the thing for two days, waiting for the right time. She presented it to me and said, "Something you need to talk to me about?" and walked away, chortling about the irony of a guy getting an ad from an OB/GYN office.

The ad will soon be destroyed, lest it get into the hands of my coworkers and cause uproarious laughter for months.

By the way, my wife will probably be making an appointment soon.

[luvmyshiner]

I hear ya' Kat. I still get emails from Princess Fatu advising me that she has 10 MILLION dollars US that she needs to give me so I can distribute it to spread the word of Jesus and his good works . . . also, I'm currently negotiating a deal to bring back Saddam's gold that was hidden but fortunately discovered by some lucky soldier . . . and if that's not enough, apparently I've won not only the European lottery, but also the double secret lottery sponsored by Bill Gates and limited to people who use Hotmail.:beer:

[street music]

Shiner,
You mean we both won the same lottery?? Man we must really be lucky, I got the same message.
I have been meaning to forward all these ****** emails to you too, I figure you need them more than I do, it seems I get 30 emails a day trying to sell these little blue pills to me for some kind of dysfunction that I have never had.:rotflmao:
I also get emails trying to sell me some kind of vibrating butterfly?? Never really thought of a need for that either but I guess toys come in all shapes.:thwap:

[Fab4]

I don't have a vagina, or any other part of the female reproductive system.

I'm a dude. Have been all my life. I'm quite happy with my dudeness, and feel no desire to change to the other team.

I had pretty much the same reaction when I got a letter and nice little embossed membership card with my name on it (prefaced by "Ms.") offering to sign me up for an Avon health benefits plan because "...we think you're Avon's kind of woman."

Really? News to me...

[Spudman]

I'm jealous. You guys get all the good stuff.