Is your wife/husband causing you to play less?

[Robert]

Just curious. If you love to play guitar, which I assume you do, is your significant other holding you back somehow? Would you like to play more, but your wife/husband isn't 100% supportive, so you play less instead to avoid conflicts?

Loaded question perhaps, but I admit I would play more if my wife was more positive about it. Perhaps it's my interpretation too. There has to be a balance of course, we can't play guitar every minute of our time being at home.

One reason can be the volume. Us guys like to makes some noize eh!

Perhaps some just don't get why we want to sit and play guitar for hours, when we could be mowing the lawn or fix the leaking tap, etc. :cool:

[MichaelE]

Not any longer. But when I was married it was a drag.

[Commodore 64]

My wife doesn't hang out in the room when I practice on my Blackheart LG or Fender SS amp because it's pretty loud, especially the LG because you gotta crank it a bit. I have an acoustic which I will practice in the living room or downstairs so I can still interact with her/ the kids.

I also picked up a Danelectro Honeytone amp, it runs on a 9V battery. It sounds terrible, but it does allow me to walk around the house playing the electric guitar with it clamped on my back pocket.

[sunvalleylaw]

Well, family life in general, plus my responsibilities from two jobs in winter, limit me some. Not specifically my wife. She would rather see me play than watch tv at night or be on the computer, and she is pretty supportive overall. But my playing has mostly been after the kids are in bed, so I don't get to use much volume, record much, etc. I have been on my acoustic more as a result, or playing relatively quietly and cleanly through my amph. EDIT: The new room that I can close off at night helps. At least I can play loud enough to hear the amph a little. I have to watch it though. EDIT 2: Bottom line, I am a hobby player. If I was trying to really make it in a band, earn a living off of it, or it required a substantially bigger commitment, something else would have to go, like my ski coaching I suppose. That isn't happening anytime soon. I am in a different place than more professional players, and my wife supports my hobby pursuit of music. That my kids are involved and enjoy to play with me, or dance while I play helps too. END EDIT.

My New Year's resolutions include better time management, so maybe I can come up with some other solutions too. But, I just keep it fun, and remember this time of my life is about family.

[Spudman]

My wife is my biggest supporter. When I want to play she grabs a book and reads while I entertain. Our daughter dances to a lot of my funky loops and she even gets her little friends dancing too. I would never let anyone stand in the way of my playing. It's what I do.

[hubberjub]

My wife is supportive. She would go to all of my gigs but the summer festival thing has gotten old for her.

[Plank_Spanker]

My wife is very supportive. She pretty much lets me buy the gear I want. She went to all of my gigs; she's letting me pay for lessons now, and she doesn't mind when I practice - as long as my daily husband chores are done first. :D

[ted s]

My wife is also very supportive, I don't practice enough.

[Tig]

Any lack of playing time is purely my doing. Call it a time management thing.

Still, I get in a fair amount, and Mrs. Tig enjoys listening to me (poor woman) when she surfs the interwebs.

[marnold]

My wife is largely ambivalent. Since I'm in the basement, I can't really bother anyone. My main problem is just finding time/desire to practice. The past two weeks have been crazy busy so if I've had time to pick it up and noodle for a bit I've been lucky.

[evenkeel]

Mrs Keel is very supportive. She encourages me to practice at home, often accompanies me to open mics.

Has only once balked at a guitar purchase. Have to admit it was a bit over the top. Good thing to. A few months later the D60 came into the fold. Might have had to pass if I'd just dropped some big $$..

[marnold]

I should add that the good news is that my son and I have been having regular weekly lessons and my wife encourages him to practice. Next week: six string barre chords! Huzzah! After that, we move on to Metal Method's Stage Three and I can begin teaching him that solo. I'm really looking forward to that--and playing rhythm for him.

[street music]

My wife doesn't approve of most any hobby I have but she would rather I play than deer hunt. She has many problems with what I do that doesn't spend time with her or make money for her to spend.

[Soulstress]

My wife doesn't approve of most any hobby I have but she would rather I play than deer hunt. She has many problems with what I do that doesn't spend time with her or make money for her to spend.


hahahaa. LOVE IT!

For me, I'm the wifey so it's all good here. He has a 20% hearing loss so I'm usually the one yelling about why the TV is hella loud. My only issue is that after I've been playing for four months and then he goes to get his bass guitar to learn I'm gonna have to listen to his damn jingle bells plucking like I did...LMAO.

[MichaelE]

My wife doesn't approve of most any hobby I have but she would rather I play than deer hunt. She has many problems with what I do that doesn't spend time with her or make money for her to spend.

That's all I used to hear. :argue

[Eric]

My fiancée is generally pretty supportive, and will even listen to me ramble on about modes or amps or whatever. However, when she's hanging out at my place and I have the looper going, she gets sick of it before I ever really stumble upon anything worthwhile.

I tend to think this would happen for pretty much anyone listening to the same chord progression, so perhaps I just need to get used to headphones...

[syo]

Not causing me to play less, but certainly less loud. The only way I can crank things up is through headphones or wait til she's out (not often). She's a professional classical violinist and doesn't really like rock which generally offends her aural sensitivities.

I do have some small hope though. She recently awoke from a dream where she was playing the guitar. It seemed like fun in the dream so she wanted to try playing. We messed around with the intro to Laundromat and she kind of got into it. So maybe the key is to get her playing as she doesn't seem to mind the decibels when she's playing.:french

[deeaa]

I just had a thread a while back about the same...my wife never usually outright says anything much about my musical endeavors, but I can tell she doesn't like me doing it much. She doesn't usually mind if I play some acoustic, but otherwise it's that she does NOT want to listen to my music/bands and such, and she always remembers to pull it into an argument like 'it's just like in 2005 you just HAD to be mixing and releasing an album just when we had a new baby and things were tough' etc. etc.

So yeah, I hardly ever get to do stuff because of that.

[bcdon]

Not an issue with me. I wear the pants in the family, but my wife picks them out. :)

Actually, my wife is very supportive. She has her own interests to keep
busy and she knows it keeps me out of trouble. :dude

[marnold]

Not an issue with me. I wear the pants in the family, but my wife picks them out. :)
Reminds me of this:
OCo_AVy4vMU

[kiteman]

I had this problem licked before it even started, I never married. :dude

[Algonquin]

My wife (love her) isn't the type to sit and cheer me on... but in no way discourages me from practicing / playing / noodling / d*c*i*n* around with the guitar. I'm sure she gets bored with hearing me play the same old crap over and over and over, but that's how I learn... repetition! I probably spend more time monkeying around learning new idea's of my own nonsense over cover material, and will often have guitars placed throughout the house to pick up when the mood strikes. Life is short... do what you love with the ones you love! :AOK

[Spudman]

d*c*i*n*
Internet FAIL for substitute spelling.:thwap :D

[Tig]

Reminds me of this:


Thanks! I haven't heard "The Man Song" in years. Mrs. Tig will get a kick out of it.

[Monkus]

Lady Monkus was in the elite group of the bandmembers gf's at gigs, lol those were the days... after we got married, things changed a little. I think subconciously she was irked at the time spent with music as we had little time anyway. So I got her to sing and we found out that she had a really good voice. Now she doesn't mind and actually is a decent critic. I play, write and record and she sings. She's now one of the soloists in our church choir. She has been assimilated....

[Auriemma]

My wife occasionally balks at me disappearing for a few hours to play, but nothing too serious... unless we get into an arguement and I try to escape. Then forget about it.

Now our first dog caused me to stop playing for 12 years. Playing any guitar scared him to no end. Just pulling them out would make him run for cover. So I put them away until he passed away. Funny, I didn't think I was that bad.

[Soulstress]

Now our first dog caused me to stop playing for 12 years. Playing any guitar scared him to no end. Just pulling them out would make him run for cover. So I put them away until he passed away. Funny, I didn't think I was that bad.

I'm shocked you did that. I woulda put that dog in his house outside in the backyard :)

[Auriemma]

I'm shocked you did that. I woulda put that dog in his house outside in the backyard :)
Nope. With no children of our own, he was our child. And after all he went through is his life with us (epilepsy, paralysis, cancer, and leukemia over 12 years), I'm OK with it. Visit http://mybeagleworld.com/murphy/ for a partial telling of his story.

Now, my two girls (both beagles) don't mind me playing guitar and will come in and listen or play while I play.

[Bloozcat]

Well, my wife is supportive as long as I don't play when she's around. She has a decided dislike for electric guitar music. Once when we were out together, a band was playing Sweet Home Alabama. To my shock, my wife looked at me and said, "you play it better than that guitar player." I never knew she was listening. But other than that, the only times I can recall that my wife has ever said anything positive about my playing is when it's been on an acoustic guitar...and when I was singing even! And I can't sing...:o

All that being said, my wife has happily bought all kinds of guitar related items for me at Christmas over the years. From effects to pickups, strings to guitar and amp stands, soldering stations to luthier tools. Just this Christmas alone she bought me a Decimator noise gate, a BBE Orange Squash compressor, a General Guitar Gadgets reverb pedal kit, and a BBE Supa Power 9v power supply. She doesn't know a thing about what she's buying for me, but does so knowing how much I enjoy it.

So, I play when I'm home alone (which is fair amount of time), and I have some nice stuff to play through and with.

I can't complain at all...:agree

[NWBasser]

All of your wives have it easy.

I mostly play bass (the sound penetrates everywhere).

In a fairly small house.

With thin walls...

The poor woman, I should bring the acoustic out a bit more.

[helliott]

My darlin has suffered through my obsession for 33 years, always -- well, usually -- with great tolerance and understanding. She says I'm more complete and easy to live with when I'm playing more and getting out in a band, even though when my son was young I'd be *****y on Sunday mornings, which wasn't good family strategy.
She's devoted to her job as a top notch non-profit agency executive director, and I've got my music and the job that pays the bills, and we tolerate each others foibles. Lots of practice.
(I do recall getting carried away with the Mesa, TS9 and wah one evening after a tough day, and her saying later that she was glad the hounds of hell had finally gone to bed.)

[Duff]

My fiance just bought me a new Fender Blizzard Pearl American Strat which I had a copper and gold snakeskin type pickguard put on before I bought it home in the new style case. Beautiful guitar and beautiful woman.

She encourages me to play a lot and I soothe her to sleep each night by playing; and playing in the dark helps break the eye fixation habit and helps develop the ear.

Just put a down payment on an ESP LTD EC-1000 Deluxe in gloss black with gold hardware, beautiful guitar I'm ordering in.

I usually play her to sleep with a good guitar and amp, including Squire Classic Vibe 50's and Epiphone SG thru my Crate Palamino V32 2 twelve celestions.

So she is super supportive. I am lucky to have such a supportive woman; she is awesome.

[Brian Krashpad]

I solve any domestic problems by doing all my playing at actual band rehearsals or performances. That way, I'm not playing around her, and she doesn't have to hear it.

I rarely bug her to come to shows; only for special occasions at this point.

The only potential problem is that I'm currently in my church praise band plus 4 rock bands, so if we all decide to practice on the same weekend, it can add up. At least for the praise band she can't really complain, since my daughter's in the band as well. And with that band I got the whole "God" angle working for me too.

[otaypanky]

Wonderfully supportive wife. I am blessed ~

[Tone2TheBone]

My wife is very supportive of me cause she knows it's therapy for my well being.

[oldguy]

Is your wife/husband causing you to play less?


Nope.

[Ilovecheapguitars]

my wife is hit or miss. one day she tells me I should try and get into another band, the next day I make the 35 minute drive to jam with a bassist I have known for years and she gets upset because I'm gone for 4 hours. I don't get it. most of the time, if theres anyone who keeps me from playing, its the kids. they are 2 and 4 so they are into everything.

[Commodore 64]

most of the time, if theres anyone who keeps me from playing, its the kids. they are 2 and 4 so they are into everything.
Yeah, there's nothing like having to pick with a banana or Polly Pocket doll or whatever random thing they run up to you with and demand that you use it to play the guitar.

[sunvalleylaw]

Yeah, there's nothing like having to pick with a banana or Polly Pocket doll or whatever random thing they run up to you with and demand that you use it to play the guitar.

I prefer Bionicle parts as picks, say as compared to Littlest Pet shop dolls. The bionicle weapons are pretty effective and look cool. :cool: But when my 6 year old daughter and I played yesterday (she is trying to learn, and sings along anyway while she holds her guitar and sometimes strums the strings), she shared with me one of her new favorite special picks she got in her stocking, pink Fender celluloids with palm trees on them. :AOK

[marnold]

You can't get decent tone from a Bionicle part since they moved to a different factory. You need to find NOS Bionicles.

[Commodore 64]

I use Mossman in lieu of a fuzz pedal.

[mainestratman]

This topic is a fairly sore subject for me.. my second ex-wife hated me playing... I think someone else had mentioned something about his wife disapproving of anything that didn't make her money to spend.. yeah, that was her... and she really hated that while I was on stage really HAWT chicks would DARE talk to me. That led to me selling everything except my acoustic. Bye-bye, great equipment. I couldn't handle the arguments.

Next girlfriend was mostly supportive, except I could "play better" than her and she held it against me. During my time with her is when I got my replacement "upgrades" and we amassed a collection of 12 or 13 guitars, which we eventually sold off most of in order to pay the mortgage (see about about her spending money thing).

Currently, I've kept my equipment to a bare minimum. Everything I have I use when I play.. okay, unless I'm playing my acoustic.. but my g/f is REALLY supportive, and will follow me to open mics and auditions and practices and while the other "band wives" are sitting around and *****ing about their respective men playing music and not making money for them to spend, my girl is dancing.. off by herself, in her own little world, dancing to the music that I'm making.. whether solo acoustic or as a part of a band. She encourages me to practice (but I have to wait until she gets home so she can jam), and is happy to spend hours listen to me noodle.

Oh.. and she likes to fish. And drink beer. And watch football. And makes the best nachos ever.

Boys.. I think I have a keeper. :-D

[peachhead]

As long as I'm working on my household projects, my wife seems to be much more tolerant of my taking time to play. I'm not playing as much, but it seems to be a fair compromise.

[t_ross33]

Oh.. and she likes to fish. And drink beer. And watch football. And makes the best nachos ever.

Boys.. I think I have a keeper. :-D

uhm... better check and make sure "she" ain't a dude, Dude :what

jk... Mrs. T and I have had many discussions about my obsession with music, and for the most part, she's very supportive. As long as I don't neglect the children, do my part around the house and use some of my gig income for family stuff (and not all going back into more gear)... she's cool.

And I know I have a keeper :AOK

[Bloozcat]

This topic is a fairly sore subject for me.. my second ex-wife hated me playing... I think someone else had mentioned something about his wife disapproving of anything that didn't make her money to spend.. yeah, that was her... and she really hated that while I was on stage really HAWT chicks would DARE talk to me. That led to me selling everything except my acoustic. Bye-bye, great equipment. I couldn't handle the arguments.

Next girlfriend was mostly supportive, except I could "play better" than her and she held it against me. During my time with her is when I got my replacement "upgrades" and we amassed a collection of 12 or 13 guitars, which we eventually sold off most of in order to pay the mortgage (see about about her spending money thing).

Mental note to self: Give wife an extra hug and great big kiss tonight...:AOK

[BigBadWolf1171]

my other half likes to hear me play, although i think its so she can spend more time playing on the PC without me complaining lol. but in all she doesnt mind unless it gets to loud. Her biggest gripe is over the cost of gear, she feels that if im not a professional player making money with it why spend so much money on it..(but will think nothing of spending twice the amount on jewerly).while i wont go and spend 5000$ on an amp or guitar, i will buy what i need to, to get the sound im after.but all in all shes semi supportive in my playing.

[Mister Boston]

Good question. I'd say that since getting married 2.5 years ago I play and practice around the house as much as I ever did. Or at least I'd say that my decision of whether or not I play has very little to do with the wife.

However I'm definitely not NEARLY as heavily involved in bands as I was 5 years ago in my mid 20s. The more involved I've got in my relationship with my lady the less time (and TBH patience) I've had with hanging around with the lazy-arse, slacker, bachelor ruffians I used to jam with more frequently. I guess it's a question of priorities. I'll NEVER stop playing guitar, and I'll never stop wanting to improve and learn more. BUT, the older I get I find the less I'm inclined to just pal around with guys and jam for no particular purpose. I'm almost 31. About once a month I have a group of guys I hang out with, jam, drink whiskey, and raise hell 'til the wee hours of the morning. It used to be at least once a week. Most of my playing nowadays is about practicing on my own and writing songs; and that's fine with me. Now and then I just wanna cut loose with the boys, but for the most part I'm not missing that being such a BIG part of my life as it was several years ago.

[Mister Boston]

my other half likes to hear me play, although i think its so she can spend more time playing on the PC without me complaining lol. but in all she doesnt mind unless it gets to loud. Her biggest gripe is over the cost of gear, she feels that if im not a professional player making money with it why spend so much money on it..(but will think nothing of spending twice the amount on jewerly).while i wont go and spend 5000$ on an amp or guitar, i will buy what i need to, to get the sound im after.but all in all shes semi supportive in my playing.

Yeah my wife doesn't understand why I NEED more guitars. I already have a decent Les Paul and a KILLER Strat. She occasionally gives me "the face" when I talk about saving money up for a Tele, and eventually the ES-339 of my dreams. She does have a point; I'm not making any money with this "hobby" of mine, so why do I really need so much gear. Isn't 2 very nice guitars enough for a passionate hobbyist?

When these minor squabbles rise to the surface I ask her to go around the house and make a mental note of the money, time, and storage space dedicated to her shoes, hand-bags, clothing, and cosmetic products. Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY attracted to my wife, and I want her to get all dolled up occasionally and feel attractive and confident. But does she really NEED all the products that go into this? Probably not. This point usually stops our guitar gear conversations pretty quickly.

I mean if she can go out a few times a year and spend $75 on a haircut, can she REALLY give me a hard time about spending $150 on a wah pedal I could very easily have for many years? If she has 50 pairs of shoes is it REALLY that big a deal that I have a 100 watt Egnater head and 2x12 cab? If she's going to drop $2500+ this coming year on a full-back tattoo, is my desire for an ash Tele really that unreasonable?

[BigBadWolf1171]

Yeah my wife doesn't understand why I NEED more guitars. I already have a decent Les Paul and a KILLER Strat. She occasionally gives me "the face" when I talk about saving money up for a Tele, and eventually the ES-339 of my dreams. She does have a point; I'm not making any money with this "hobby" of mine, so why do I really need so much gear. Isn't 2 very nice guitars enough for a passionate hobbyist?

When these minor squabbles rise to the surface I ask her to go around the house and make a mental note of the money, time, and storage space dedicated to her shoes, hand-bags, clothing, and cosmetic products. Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY attracted to my wife, and I want her to get all dolled up occasionally and feel attractive and confident. But does she really NEED all the products that go into this? Probably not. This point usually stops our guitar gear conversations pretty quickly.

I mean if she can go out a few times a year and spend $75 on a haircut, can she REALLY give me a hard time about spending $150 on a wah pedal I could very easily have for many years? If she has 50 pairs of shoes is it REALLY that big a deal that I have a 100 watt Egnater head and 2x12 cab? If she's going to drop $2500+ this coming year on a full-back tattoo, is my desire for an ash Tele really that unreasonable?

i couldnt agree more. i approached the convo with my lady in a different way, as she recently (at the time) bought a new pontiac solstice. i mentioned something about a new amp and she went on her usual rant about saving money for later in life etc... when i returned fire with "youll buy 5 amps with the hiked insurance cost alone and not to mention the new car payment" as her old car 90 something honda was in good condition she just wanted something new, which i totally understand.she kinda just glared at me, searching for something to say (was funny) and realized my point. the problem is she doesnt realize theres a difference between the peavey windsor i own or a marshall,randall,fender or any other high dollar amp, to her a tube is a tube is a tube..and honestly i dont think she has any interest in knowing my hobby, other then listening to me play.i never did get the new amp as i found out it was more my lack of playing skill as it was the amp sucked.but sooner or later ....:dude

[tjcurtin1]

As I was paging through the MF catalog that came today, my wife, passing by, looked over my shoulder and said, with a tone of mock horror, "Oh my god, you're not getting a tube head now, are you!?" It took a second for me to realize that she had no idea what a 'tube head' was but had seen one on the page - but before I could say anything, she said, "Is that like a sub-woofer?", which is a 20 year old joke she STILL pulls out, in reference to a long-ago piece of audio gear! Wives never forget anything that they can bomb you with when useful....

EDIT: I should have added that we both ended with a good laugh - but then, she hasn't picked up on the new Squier CV yet...... another advantage to buying local over UPS:AOK

[Childbride]

we are both Blessed.

we stay out of each other's way.

neither gives the other grief. and playing together is a beautiful thing.

Auriemma... omg. Murphy's story...

i'm going to go and p/u Maggie and love her more than i already have tonight.

[street music]

As I was paging through the MF catalog that came today, my wife, passing by, looked over my shoulder and said, with a tone of mock horror, "Oh my god, you're not getting a tube head now, are you!?" It took a second for me to realize that she had no idea what a 'tube head' was but had seen one on the page - but before I could say anything, she said, "Is that like a sub-woofer?", which is a 20 year old joke she STILL pulls out, in reference to a long-ago piece of audio gear! Wives never forget anything that they can bomb you with when useful....

I got that stare yesterday when I walked in and handed her the mail, I didn't notice that MF had sent me a second copy of the new catalog. What do you want to do with this?" I said give it to a friend, I order on line." After a quite few minutes she returned to finish a meal.

[ka9-o-caster]

my girlfriend is very supportive of my playing, she actually just got me a digitech rp355 processor, but she prefers i play with bose closed-back headphones.

[Auriemma]

we are both Blessed.

we stay out of each other's way.

neither gives the other grief. and playing together is a beautiful thing.

Auriemma... omg. Murphy's story...

i'm going to go and p/u Maggie and love her more than i already have tonight.
and Murphy's story doesn't include his last 2 years fighting leukemia. He was worth it.
Anyway... love'm while you got'em!

[Galactic God]

My wife encourages me. I'll just rock out and headbang, and she'll just make "devil horns" and play along. I do try to practice a fair bit and she definitely notices when there's an improvement in my playing.

[jpfeifer]

I have to say that there aren't very many musicians that I know who have a spouse that is extremely supportive. I think that it depends on lots of factors. Life is a constant balancing act. So long as you give your spouse and kids the time that they need, then they should allow you to have your time for the music too. But for most of us, myself included, it's very easy to feel that we don't have enough time for our music, and the spouse is often the bad cop, who is telling you that you need more family time.

For me, this situation has been getting better over the years as my kids get older and more independent. It also helps when I'm spending my music time on something that brings in some extra money. I remind my wife on occasion, "just be glad that I don't play golf, because it would probably cost the same, but I'd never make any money with it" :-)

But I have to say that I've fared pretty well. My wife is a singer, and we have played together for a long time, since our college days. She understands what music means to me, and she knows that I get grumpy and depressed when I don't get to play enough (she doesn't like to see me that way). My wife may complain on occasion if I'm spending too much time on my music, and she may never allow me to get body piercings and join a heavy metal band :-) , but then again she bought my Martin for me way back when I graduated from college, and she bought a few of my other instruments for me, just when I needed that boost. I think that I'm a pretty lucky guy, and I think that she keeps me balanced.

--Jim

[guitardan777]

Because it's a matter of balancing quality time w/ the family and my music, if I need to play more, then I just get up early or stay up late. But no restrictions coming from the wife. She works a few evenings during the week, so I get to crank it up when I need to. Plus my teenagers are getting into music as of late, and they drive me to play more when I'm teaching them stuff. #1 son plays Guitar, #2 son plays drums.