Band worries...too much too soon, or ever?

[deeaa]

Well...

I just got off the phone with some dude who's been talking to our bassist and listening to our stuff...he's got a studio, dunno how good, but a studio anyway, and he'd be interested in recording us, for free.

Of course that sounds good - he's got good drums there and proper room to play in soundwise etc...but also, that means giving the control of the recording to somebody else. AND there might be a catch. We didn't talk extensively over the phone, but he was talking about gigs and touring and how they have this program agency, and how he can get us gigging round the country and such, and then he also spoke of it of course being demanding, and if we commit ourselves to it, it's gonna be a lot of work...but also bring in good money etc...

So now I'm in a pinch, the band for sure wants to go ahead and get lots of gigs etc...and I don't. I mean, got two small kids and a LOT of stuff on my hands from building our summer cottage and renovating the house, and other bands, other hobbies, and naturally my work which can be pretty exhausting at times.

It'd be another thing if gigging would support me well enough, but there is no friggin' way any kind of gigging job would bring me even close to what I need - I could perhaps live on roughly 50K income a year, i.e. the national average pay, if I reduced my expense heavily - but come on, there is NO way a small band could come even close to that, let alone one member of a small band. I don't think even many well-known and popular bands make a good living these days really, in comparison with what any regular job pays, let alone our shitty bunch.

Even if some band could do 150 gigs a year, what'd it mean to get enough to live on...you'd have to get almost 2K a gig pay for band PLUS expenses to get even to average income level...there is just no damned way it'd ever be even remotely possible.

I've always known that and that's one reason I have never been in a rush or eager to get anywhere with my music - but how do I explain it to the guys? They'll be SO pissed, or disillusioned, I dunno if it'll be the end of the band.

And I just want to make and record music, not complicate it with paying gigs and going to studios, just do it all myself...I don't mind playing gigs for fun but NOT for a living and not too much of it. No time, and I don't much care for playing in front of an audience anyway. Got me a wife and all, no need for chicks and ego boost or whatever, and I get easily bored playing the same stuff over and over again too, and don't need the excitement either...so why would I want to play live any more than is absolutely needed?

[Spudman]

Well...

And I just want to make and record music, not complicate it with paying gigs and going to studios, just do it all myself...I don't mind playing gigs for fun but NOT for a living and not too much of it. No time, and I don't much care for playing in front of an audience anyway. Got me a wife and all, no need for chicks and ego boost or whatever, and I get easily bored playing the same stuff over and over again too, and don't need the excitement either...so why would I want to play live any more than is absolutely needed?

Looks like you answered your own question.

[deeaa]

Ah, but there is still the question how do you tightrope between what the other guys in the band want? I'm just 1/4 of the band.

Yet I definitely do want to be in a band, I just don't want to gig much and 'succeed' so to speak...just make enough demos/releases to feel like we're doing _something_, make music I like and make sure it won't get too popular and there won't be too much gigging etc. but what some people find good enough to comment something favorable of. I wouldn't mind selling songs or albums of course but I'd rather not be known personally for it if I did. The last thing I would want is to become even a slight 'celebrity person'. That would REALLY suck IMO. I'm just not that kind of a guy who wants that, like anything like that, a flashy car, whatever...even if I had millions I'd just want to lie low and drive quite mundane, ordinary cars. Same with music, I don't want to let it go farther than suits me.

BUT how do I make it happen if all the other guys are in ecstasy over the idea of getting lots of gigs and playing to audiences etc...I don't want to covertly sabotage things either and keep them thinking maybe we'll gig a lot some day, but I can't just flat out say no if I want to play with them still...I have plenty of non-band playing music stuff, but there's no substitute for playing in a band, so I want to keep doing it...just how to negotiate with the others is the issue.

In the past I have just quit the band when it has started getting too much success, but this time I'd like to just avoid that and, well, have the cake and eat it too. I'm running out of band members in my town! Pretty soon I've been in a band or project with most everyone suitable 'round here :-)

But I know they'll hate me for not facilitating their dreams.

Maybe I could fake a really bad disease that keeps me from participating 100% :-)

[Eric]

Yet I definitely do want to be in a band, I just don't want to gig much and 'succeed' so to speak...just make enough demos/releases to feel like we're doing _something_, make music I like and make sure it won't get too popular and there won't be too much gigging etc. but what some people find good enough to comment something favorable of. I wouldn't mind selling songs or albums of course but I'd rather not be known personally for it if I did. The last thing I would want is to become even a slight 'celebrity person'. That would REALLY suck IMO. I'm just not that kind of a guy who wants that, like anything like that, a flashy car, whatever...even if I had millions I'd just want to lie low and drive quite mundane, ordinary cars. Same with music, I don't want to let it go farther than suits me.
I have to say, I really respect you for knowing what you want and don't want and for resisting that type of bump 'up', if you can call it that.

It would definitely be treacherous territory having this sort of discussion, but I'd be up-front with the other band members. Your position makes complete sense to me, and maybe a solution would pop up that would help everybody achieve their goals. If not, there's no real sense in beating around the bush.

The other option IMO is to put out feelers for how your opinion would fly and slowly introduce your stance. Maybe after they're adjusted to the idea of just making music and not chasing celebrity, it would seem more palatable to them.

[Jimi75]

Hey Deeaa,

Been in that boat two times. First time when my wife was pregnant with my first son. We were offered a pre Major Label Deal, after a meeting with Motor Music/Dreamworks I knew what it means to be on tour, to be under pressure with recording, to learn about the rule that you start earning money with album number three, blablabla. Second time was with the band I recently posted the link to...I guess you listened to the myspace Metal stuff. Same thing, smaller deal. I am father of two, working partly in an office and doing lots of studio and recording stuff, no time for a tour. It's not the right life when you have a family. Don't burn what you have for a life in the tourbus.

[marnold]

It would definitely be treacherous territory having this sort of discussion, but I'd be up-front with the other band members. Your position makes complete sense to me, and maybe a solution would pop up that would help everybody achieve their goals. If not, there's no real sense in beating around the bush.
+1

I'd also like to get more details on this deal. Sounds far too good to be true. Maybe that's pessimism, although I'd prefer to call it realism.

[Spudman]

If the other 3/4 want to go for it then it's only a matter of time until you are replaced. They aren't going to want to put their dreams on hold so that you can live life on your terms when it doesn't agree with their terms.

What I would do is - record the first album with them. Don't do any touring and have them find a touring guitarist that can fill your shoes. If it works out for them then they will tour, the album will sell and hopefully you'll earn royalty income. If they really love you still then maybe they will keep you as the songwriter but not the touring guitarist and you can contribute to other projects - or your replacement gets the job done and they keep him as a full member, the band goes on to seek fame and fortune and you continue to collect royalties from that first album as the band's success contributes to sales of that first record.

I don't see anything else happening except the whole band calls it quits.

[deeaa]

Thanks guys for all the replies...I will have to grab the bull by the horn and explain I can't neglect my family due to band stuff. Better do it asap, before we go any further.

As for the band going on w/out me, no way...being the singer/songwriter/guitarist/composer/webmaster/mixer/producer/engineer/gear tech of the band, they'd just start playing cover songs and look for someone to sing 'em. Before I joined them, all they did was play black sabbath etc. covers without a singer...and that's what they'd revert to without me no doubt. I've a pretty unique style&range of singing too...even I don't know anybody who could replace my vox duties if they wanted to play my songs still.

Not to dis the guys, they're a real nice bunch and quite OK players too, at least my level, but I pretty much take care of everything starting from making sure they're in tune, intonated and using suitable sounds at suitable volumes...not just guitars but I've also gotten the drummer a better snare and tuned his cans and pushed him to buy some new skins and whatnot...so, it's pretty much my way or no way I guess, but it don't make it any easier to break.

[Eric]

As for the band going on w/out me, no way...being the singer/songwriter/guitarist/composer/webmaster/mixer/producer/engineer/gear tech of the band, they'd just start playing cover songs and look for someone to sing 'em.
I sensed that was kind of the dynamic in the band, but I understand it's still hard to leave them hanging if that's what they want. Good luck in your talks with them.

[mainestratman]

My two cents...

You may want to illustrate to them exactly what you illustrated to us above. Talk dollars and "sense", as it were.

However... I would do all my homework on this studio/promoter thing first... could be that this whole internal struggle could be for nothing.

:beer:

[deeaa]

Ok I jumped the gun in that the guys totally agree - they don't want to become slaves to touring etc. at all, and well value their 'other' lives as well. :thwap So I worried for nought. They don't want to start touring extensively either, and keep the band thing to bi-weekly or weekly level at maximum, with occasional gigs and emphasis on playing for fun.

That takes such a weight off my shoulders, because the way they have been talking I was afraid they would be ready to try and push forward too much. :happy

[Jimi75]

Deeaa,

I am happy to hear the situation is solved and you are happy!

[Eric]

That takes such a weight off my shoulders, because the way they have been talking I was afraid they would be ready to try and push forward too much. :happy
Very happy to hear that. Thanks for the update.