So I'll Stay - Critical Ears Please!

[vroomery]

I wrote this a few years ago and finally decided to record it. The vocal definitely needs some more time and punch-ins, please give any critiques...writing, performance, gear, eq, etc...

Piano - Reason Pianos (steinway D)
Organ - NI B4II
Drums - Random samples used through reason
Bass - My friend's $200 Jazz bass
Vocals - Behringer B-1 (I really want new mics)

All mixed/automated in Live 8

http://www.box.net/shared/j6bpy2i2db

Lyrics:
This is overwhelming; you overwhelm me, is it over now
I have played all my cards and it’s your turn now maybe we can win this once
I never told you how much I really care

I’ll stay where you’re never too far
Or I’ll go, that’s for you and your heart to decide
For you and your heart to decide
I’ll love you like never before
Or we’ll live and pretend that we’re better alone
Oh just pretend that you’re better alone

The breaking comes before healing so please let it heal you. I’ll stand by your side
I can’t promise perfection, but perfect devotion can never divide
I never told you how much I really care

I’ll stay where you’re never too far
Or I’ll go, that’s for you and your heart to decide
For you and your heart to decide
I’ll love you like never before
Or we’ll live and pretend that we’re better alone
Oh just pretend that you’re better alone

You don’t know what it means to hear your voice
You don’t know how much this hurts to say

I’ll stay where you’re never too far
Or I’ll go, that’s for you and your heart to decide
I think that you just decided
I’ll love you, that’ll never change
We’ll just live and pretend that we’re better alone
Oh just pretend that you’re better alone

[helliott]

Can't help much with the critical part, because this sounds pretty great to me. The lyrics are very evocative, melody very strong. Love the falsetto part near the end and you manage that well vocally. Of course, as an old guitar player, I'd argue all songs benefit from some six-string, but other than that this is a pretty heartfelt and moving piece of writing. That's my view, speaking as a player who can't compose very well, and is always somewhat awed of the really creative part of the process. I'd be proud if this was my work.

[oldguy]

I'm not going to critique it, but I'll say it sounds great......the piano and organ work great the way you used them.

I might suggest you add some ambience to your vocals, perhaps a slight delay or reverb, and see if you like it.

Wonderful job.

[FrankAxtell]

I really dig this tune...very heart felt lyrical content, nice melody and dynamic build. Really tells a story...excellent!

[Eric]

Cool song, and nice performance. I listened to this just now on netbook speakers, so I'm not going to get too deep into it, but I will agree about adding some reverb to your vocals.

If you really want critical, I'd say that real drums could help considerably, and I feel like a little space after the choruses (maybe just a bar or so) would help it flow, since it's not a particularly driving song.

[vroomery]

Thanks so much for the critique and compliments!

I'm definitely going to add some guitar to bring more texture and depth to the sound. I'll probably mess around some more with the vocals as well. I'm not sure exactly how much presence to give the bgv's and such, but I'll keep exprimenting.

I'm also planning on getting some real drums recorded at some point. For what it's worth, I mixed everything with some custom molded in ears or another system with solid low end where the toms and kick sound much different, but I'd still rather have the real drums.