Quit my band today

Well today I decided to quit my band. It's been something that's been on my mind since my second daughter was born 3 months ago. Having 2 Kids under 2 years makes it almost impossible to dedicate enough time to rehearsing, gigging and learning songs. It's sad but in a way I feel a load has been lifted off my shoulders.

I got a great experience playing regular gigs and got a whole new perspective on playing guitar. But I have to say I've missed just been able to sit on my own with my guitar and jam. Every moment I got with my guitar while in the band was dedicated to learning songs, many of which I didn't particularly like.

It's funny I know lots of folks who are sick and tired of playing on their own and would give their right arm to be in a band, and here I am doing the opposite!! Am I a freak?

No, Lev, I hear ya. I've been in that situation too, and in many ways, I prefer what I am doing now. That pressure from the band/upcoming gigs/need to learn new material/etc, especially when family and perhaps other things too come into play, can take the fun out of it, no doubt.

It is way more relaxing going to an open mic night and play a few tunes and then go home. No pressure!

Plus, now you can perhaps record some of your own stuff and share with people like us here, take lessons, learn other material that motivates you in your own time, etc.

Guitar playing's gotta be fun in the end, otherwise, why do it?

Lev it takes a real Father to make the decision you made,Spend as much time as you can with your young ones they need your guidance and imput and it's funny but you will grow up all over again.Sumi:D

I agree with Robert and Sumi, and will add...
Bands come and go, but the time you spent with your kid (especially those fast growing early years) and family is priceless, and once missed, can never be gotten back.

// I quit bike racing and even riding for the first 5 years of my son's life, and didn't really miss it. When I later returned, it was great to get back into it, but more as a side hobby and not a way of life, if ya know what I mean.

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Originally Posted by Lev

Well today I decided to quit my band.

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:what GASP!!

Like Tig says a hobby version of a band can work but as talented as you are Lev that might be pretty unsatisfying. What about just doing fewer gigs and devoting less time to your current band? Or do they want to work a lot?

Thanks for the support guys. My band mates didn't take it too well unfortunately. I feel like I've dumped a girlfriend or something. We only have two gigs booked and one of those has yet to be confirmed. I offered to do both gigs as I don't want to leave them high and dry.

To be honest Spud the number of gigs isn't really the problem. I have a busy full time job, a demanding ( & rewarding ) family and a 3 hour daily round trip to work. There just ain't enough hours in the day for me to be in any band right now.

If it stops being fun, and is cutting into your other important life areas, time for it to go for now. I am sure you made a well thought out decision. Too bad they didn't take it well, but you offered to cover them for the existing obligations, and they need to hear the truth now rather than later. Good on ya! I am sure you will enjoy playing for yourself as time allows. And enjoy it all the more due to less pressure, and the other requirements of band membership.

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Originally Posted by Lev

But I have to say I've missed just been able to sit on my own with my guitar and jam. Every moment I got with my guitar while in the band was dedicated to learning songs, many of which I didn't particularly like.

It's funny I know lots of folks who are sick and tired of playing on their own and would give their right arm to be in a band, and here I am doing the opposite!! Am I a freak?

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One of the main reasons I folded my band. I had no personal playing time and it started feeling like work.

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Originally Posted by Plank_Spanker

One of the main reasons I folded my band. I had no personal playing time and it started feeling like work.

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I'm not in any bands, just a bunch of projects. that way it's always fun for me.
I get personal playing time and I can change things up whenever I want.
I also have 2 kids and a full time job so I try to avoid anything permanent.

Right now I'm woodshedding with lessons and staying busy with that. I also enjoy just noodling around with anything that comes to mind at home.

BUT.......................................I really miss playing gigs. I miss getting my game face on and my "A" game going.

Update:

So after much discussions with me band mates it seems I haven't quit!! They've really gone out of their way to accomodate me, reducing the number of gigs and even getting in a 'stand-by' guy to cover any gigs that I can't make.

I guess I'm flattered, they really want me as their guitarist.

My family life has settled down a bit now too, my daughter (now 5months) is much better and easier to take care of (most of the uncontrollable crying has stopped).

So next Friday evening I'll be back tearing it up at a big charity gig, looking forward to it now :)

Hey, Lev, that's great news! Really glad it all worked out well.
Tear it up big time Friday, and I'm happy you're daughter's doing better.

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Originally Posted by Lev

Update:

My family life has settled down a bit now too, my daughter (now 5months) is much better and easier to take care of (most of the uncontrollable crying has stopped).

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Both my daughters had this. Some say colic. Other say it's a natural thing to help build/develop lungs. It IS a developmental phase, and doesn't indicate anything is amiss or wrong. In any case, I absolutely love my 2 girls, but I had the vasectomy scheduled before the 2nd one came out. Heh.

Now if I can just learn to play the guitar, maybe someday I can attend an open jam session.

Good to hear it's all worked out for you, Lev. Above all else, music should be fun. When it becomes a burden rather than a joy, it's time to step back.

So, was your 5-month old daughter a colicky baby?

I'm happy to say I told you so. Rock on bro.:dude

Glad to hear that it all worked out with your band mates. It sounded like what you needed was a little time off. The idea of having a "stand by" is a good one.

Tear it up on your next gig, man!

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Originally Posted by Bloozcat

So, was your 5-month old daughter a colicky baby?

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Gonna go a touch off topic here but seeing as you asked....

I guess you could call it Colic although I've come to really dislike that term. Colic should be a diagnosis of elimination (IE rule everything else out first), but too many doctors jump to it as a first diagnosis. "Some baby's cry a lot for the first few weeks it's nothing to worry about" - I heard that so many times over the last few months - it's easy to say when you're not living with it.

Basically Mia cried uncontrollably for up to 7 or 8 hours everyday for the first 3 months, only after 3 months did she get into a sleep routine. At least at that point we could get some rest but she was still pretty difficult during the day. We tried a lot of things to give her some relief - alternative formulas, Osteopathic treatments, herbal remedies etc. Eventually we got a doctor to prescribe us Zantac which is an ant-acid to relieve reflux. She actually didn't have the symptoms of reflux and 3 different doctors told us she definitely doesn't have it. But thanks to the web I found that there was such a thing as 'silent' reflux, where a baby brings up their food but swallows it back down rather than positing it out. This means they get severe heart-burn like pains as the food comes up, but also as it goes back down.

The symptoms are that the baby is distressed after feeds and it severely distressed when put lying on their back (hence almost impossible to put to sleep). So I insisted that the doc prescribe her Zantac to treat this - after a few days we saw a big improvement. Now she has started eating solid foods and is almost completely better (solids obviously don't tend to come back up like formula).

Anyway the point is that I know a lot of babies are diagnosed with Colic when there could be other explanations for this distress. It is so so hard to deal with a cross baby in the house so based on my experience I'd advise anyone with a baby with 'severe colic' to look into silent reflux as a possible cause.

Rant over - back to guitars :)

Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement!!!

Lev... glad to hear everything is working out a bit better for you.

I, too, have had to deal with "colicky" babies, all of which had silent reflux, as you described it... what a nightmare that is.

Music-wise... your band is one you should hold onto. It's not very often a bunch of guys (and gals) will actually work to accommodate one band member.

Something I found that worked out well, is to play for the kids... even just banging out chord progressions to the songs on an acoustic to get yourself more familiar with how the song maps out so you can improv over it later at rehearsal or whatnot.

If they are involved, they will develop this amazing love for music... my partner's grand-daughter has been raised around my music, either me just woodshedding or doing my solo acoustic thing... and she is *adamant* about "Jon song! Jon song!" lol The other day while I was playing, she grabbed one of our old POS acoustics and was trying to work the strings on the fret board... she will be two years old in May.

:beer: to ya!

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Originally Posted by Lev

Gonna go a touch off topic here but seeing as you asked....

I guess you could call it Colic although I've come to really dislike that term. Colic should be a diagnosis of elimination (IE rule everything else out first), but too many doctors jump to it as a first diagnosis. "Some baby's cry a lot for the first few weeks it's nothing to worry about" - I heard that so many times over the last few months - it's easy to say when you're not living with it.

Basically Mia cried uncontrollably for up to 7 or 8 hours everyday for the first 3 months, only after 3 months did she get into a sleep routine. At least at that point we could get some rest but she was still pretty difficult during the day. We tried a lot of things to give her some relief - alternative formulas, Osteopathic treatments, herbal remedies etc. Eventually we got a doctor to prescribe us Zantac which is an ant-acid to relieve reflux. She actually didn't have the symptoms of reflux and 3 different doctors told us she definitely doesn't have it. But thanks to the web I found that there was such a thing as 'silent' reflux, where a baby brings up their food but swallows it back down rather than positing it out. This means they get severe heart-burn like pains as the food comes up, but also as it goes back down.

The symptoms are that the baby is distressed after feeds and it severely distressed when put lying on their back (hence almost impossible to put to sleep). So I insisted that the doc prescribe her Zantac to treat this - after a few days we saw a big improvement. Now she has started eating solid foods and is almost completely better (solids obviously don't tend to come back up like formula).

Anyway the point is that I know a lot of babies are diagnosed with Colic when there could be other explanations for this distress. It is so so hard to deal with a cross baby in the house so based on my experience I'd advise anyone with a baby with 'severe colic' to look into silent reflux as a possible cause.

Rant over - back to guitars :)

Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement!!!

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I mentioned it because my 18-year old niece was diagnosed with colic as a baby. She cried for about 3-4 months non-stop...even in her sleep she sobbed. About drove my brother crazy and he wasn't home with her all day long. I don't know how his wife endured it.

Of course, the kid's just an 18 year old brat now...:sarcasm

Keep on rockin!

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Originally Posted by Brian Krashpad

Keep on rockin!

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In the free world!!

Glad to hear it worked out Lev! :AOK

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Originally Posted by Brian Krashpad
Keep on rockin!

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Originally Posted by sunvalleylaw

In the free world!!

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Haha, touche'!

Hey Lev,

Your doing the right thing I stopped working personal security once my daughter reached 14 months or so the loss of income was a hard hit but in the end it was worth every penny lost millions a times over.

Enjoy it while you can because before you know they'll be asking for the cars keys and telling you do not know a damn thing about being a teenager. LOL