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Alternate ending: "Why don't you just pet him?"

Seeing Katastrophe's post reminded me of a joke.

Do you know what the definition of "catastrophe" is? It's the award for the kitten with the nicest buns.

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insominac? He would lie awake at night, wondering if there really is a Dog.

A couple quickies from Monty Python:
There's nothing wrong with you that an...