The passing of a loved one

[Justaguyin_nc]

Well, I don't even know why I am writing this.. But anyways I am.. All my family is
still in the Chicago area and I been living down south for the last twenty years or so.
I have One brother and two sisters which I keep in contact with mainly on the internet and phone.
Im the baby actually.. Sister, Brother then baby sister (actually 18months older)and I.
Out of the four of us, My older brother would be the last one you would think to pass on.
Mom (83)is still around and lives with my oldest sister.. Other sister lives alone with a son.
My brother... well, His wife is in a care home who has had everything in the world gone
wrong with her the last 20 years or so.. very frail.. you would think she would have died
twenty years ago.. she hangs in there.. His big thing in life believe it or not is taking her cigs
and wishing he or they could get on with life, never realizing thats all there is to their life.
He also has a legal blind daughter which means she sees shadows but thats about it..
Brother went to namm.. has had more jobs then the want-ads in a sunday suntimes can hold and has
the legal papers now to prove he is nuts over that war, has lived the last five years or so off that.
He went in as a young man fit and slim and was a gunner on a helicopter.. He was a few years older
then me and I was proud of him.. When he came out at first he seemed pretty cool and stable to
me, because I didn't understand. I think it has to do with not getting what you expect in life
and seeing life wasted so easily. Another guy took his last flight as gunner and the
chopper went down killing all on board.. he never understood why the guy took his place..
well, His first wife was a mess and he became more of a mess over her.. had two boys
and a daughter by her and later had custody of the girl and she kept the boys.. He had a few
live-ins and another failed marriage and then met the lady in the care home.. they been
together twenty some years.. One son and the daughter above is from this lady.. His Son is
in the service by choice and enjoys it and the youngest daughter has just turned eighteen years
old and been going through school pretty good.. Brother got active last few years with the vets
with Post Stress Disorders.. actually he thinks there are more comming out of the Desert Storm,
Afgan-Iraq wars with it then back in Korea and Namm.. He also drank more then one should which it
seems actually ended up killing him.. verdict still out on that but probably so.. and talked
always about viet namm... that was his total 56 year life in this little post as I knew it... Rest in peace brother
If you drink alot.. and one week you want to keep drinking water and always tired.. see a doctor..
your liver is failing you.. the rest of your body will follow shortly.

He passed on at 56 years old july 16th and for the first time in my life I am totally lost or found on the
reason for life , reproduce and enjoy the moment, as thats all you will ever have no matter how
long you live..the present moment.
This comming weekend I will travel to Chicago and bear witness to his sons scattering his ashes
in the same location my brother and I scattered our fathers six years ago. I was lucky enough to see
him last year for a few days and we talked on the phone pretty often.. mostly him calling me..
I do wish I picked up the phone the weekend before last to call him.. might have gotten his stubborn
butt up to get to the doctor but doubt it.. Why did I post this here?
Well, he was my main critic with guitar.. I suck at it and he let me know it..lol. He did hold back a bit
and it was out of his nature to do so.. I would send him clips through email and tell him "here suffer
listening to this" in return he would send me "Don't give up the day job but please give up the guitar"
with laughter attached.. The last emailed we shared was exactly like that.. he would tell me sometimes
it was good I moved away.. it was good life's turns brought me back to something I enjoy even if I do
suck at it..lol. This last week I just sat here thinking about him and life.. Robert Renman came out with a
backing track called Falling-Down which fell into place for me and helped me through this time with
having something to do. Music really does soothe.. even when you suck at it... thanks for letting me
ramble for a moment..now back to life.

[aeolian]

MY sympathies, Justa.

I lost a sister last year to cancer. My mother-in-law has been battling cancer the last few year and right now it is not looking good. I understand what you are going through.

aeolian

[Katastrophe]

Wow, Justa.

That's a lot to keep bottled up, and it's good that you found an outlet for it, both in writing and musically.

My sympathies, and I'm sorry for your loss, my friend. Feel free to PM me if you need to get more off your chest.

[t_ross33]

My sympathies, Justa... I lost my Dad this April. He was my idol, my mentor and my foundation. We shared a lot, especially the love of music. My old Yamaha acoustic still bares the scars from his years as a barroom troubadour.

Music has been, and remains a constant thread that connects us all.

Peace, and keep on pickin' and grinning. Just ask yourself WWWD? (what would Willie do? )

Trev

[Robert****]

That is hard, Justa. I lost my father in April. Losing someone close feels terrible, to say the least. Feel free to share with us if you want. You can contact me in private too if you would like. I will be thinking of you today.

[warren0728]

man justa...that is tough...i too lost a brother (although not by blood) but to he and i we were brothers.

my condolences to you and your family...

you can pm me if you need anything

ww

[tremoloman***]

Justaguyin_nc,

I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I have an idea how you feel as I had one of my very best friends since junior high killed by a drunk driver on the weekend of St. Patrick’s Day back in 2002. After the driver was found to be 3x the legal limit to drive, he only got 6 months in jail. Two months later, another high school friend died of a sudden heart attack. He was 30 years old. 30! He didn’t drink nor smoke – all he did was love music and played his guitar whenever he could. To top things off, a relative committed suicide on Easter Sunday. It took me a long time to get over these 3 losses, but I was able to with the help of friends, family, and music. Writing such a heartfelt song is a great way to deal with the pain you are suffering. Just think that each time you play it, your brother is listening and smiling back down upon you. Music was a big part of my recovery and I bet it will do the same for you. Music is like a best friend… it’s never turns its back on you.

[Nelskie]

Well, Music really does soothe.. even when you suck at it... thanks for letting me ramble for a moment..now back to life.

Justa - What would have really sucked worse is you coming to a point in your life wishing that you had acted on your ambition of playing the guitar. No matter what you think about your skills from a critical sense, the fact that you are playing guitar is something that you should take a lot of pride in. And we, as your friends, thank you for sharing your playing experiences through your many posts here on FN.

Personally, I don't know of a better way to pay tribute to someone you love than by expressing it through your own music. Each time you pick up your guitar and play that song, that person's memory will remain close to you - a musical message that connects your heart and emotion through your love of playing the guitar.

Wishing you peace, my friend.

[jpfeifer]

Hi Justaguyin_nc,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I know how close brothers can be, even if they raz you about your guitar playing.

Now, more than ever pickup that guitar and play your heart out. I'll keep you in my prayers.

-- Jim

[ted s]

My condolences Justa, to you and your family. My thoughts are with you.

[Tim]

Hi Justa - My prayers are with you, your brother and family members. As others have said, loosing a family member is always hard. I have not lost an immediate member yet, but I know my mother and father are close. I hope your brother is at peace and happy right where he is. You are correct in the philosophy of enjoying the moment, but also remember to enjoy the good memories. May God be with you in your travels to Chicago.

[M29]

You are in my prayers Justa, I lost my mother to a bad liver when I was 14 and my dad is currently 91. You are in good hands here, don't hesitate to write.

God Bless
M29

[Justaguyin_nc]

Thank you for your kindness one and all.

[Tone2TheBone]

My condolences also Justa, I'm very sorry at your loss.

[SuperSwede]

Justa, my thoughts are with you today. I just came home from a trip so Im sorry that Im a bit late with this!!!

Take care!

[Bloozcat]

I'm very sorry for your loss Justa. It's never easy losing someone you love, especially when they are way too young to go.

My brother-in-Law was in 'Nam as a door gunner on a Huey as well. He probably went through a similar experience as your brother did. He was there for his normal 12 month tour (Army), and even extended an extra month so that he could get discharged the same month he returned to the World. My brother-in-law too became an alcoholic and continued drinking until one day about 24 years ago when he and my sister had their first and only child. He hasn't touched a drop since.

He and I have become very close over the years...even closer than I am to my sister who he became divorced from 3-years ago. I still worry about him. He's 57 now and smokes like a chimney, and I often wonder if the clouds of Agent Orange he flew through in 'Nam will come back to affect his health.

We have no control over death, whether it's our loved ones or ourselves who are taken by it. All we can do is cherish each day we have with them, and never take anything for granted. After you go through your period of mourning Justa, you'll turn your thoughts to all the good, happy, and funny times you shared with your brother. He'll live on in your memory and through the stories you tell.

[Iago]

all I want to say is.. that was beautiful. Thanks Justa for sharing your feelings.

[Mark]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Mark and Family

[Justaguyin_nc]

Thank you for the kind words gentlemen... I just found out the men he worked with in the PSD section have something planned for him at their local American Legion hall saturday morning.. he would have liked that and mostly.. deserves it.. will leave friday to be with them.. best wishes