recon someone can gimme a straight answer?

[ibanezjunkie]

riight, ive been asking this question all over for like a week now and no one has given me a simple straight answer, if anything, they avoided the question.

right here it is. im 15, my girlfriend is 4 months older than me, but still 15. so its two 15 year olds. i was wondering, if we could be engaged without having to ask our parents? becasue i KNOW her parents wouldnt let me propose, or if they found out her dad would play cricket with my head or something.

answers please? thaanks.

[R_of_G]

i don't think there is an age restriction on being engaged. age wouldn't be an issue until you actually tried to get married. that, of course, does not account for what her parents or your parents would do to you if you did propose, but so far as i know, there isn't anything legally preventing you from doing so.

[ibanezjunkie]

the bit about legal prevention is a relief. im not so much worried about what my parents think tbqh. we just want to be engaged, because it gives us some real committment. we were pretty much best friends for almost a year before i finally asked her out, and since then another 8 months have passed. iver loved her secretly since i met her, and i wanna committ to staying with her. we dont intent to get married until shes finished fulfilling her ambition to become a psychiatrist. which involves multiple PHDs. so we wont be marrying until were atleast 22/3.

[marnold***]

right here it is. im 15, my girlfriend is 4 months older than me, but still 15. so its two 15 year olds. i was wondering, if we could be engaged without having to ask our parents? becasue i KNOW her parents wouldnt let me propose, or if they found out her dad would play cricket with my head or something.

I don't know what the laws are in the UK, but I'm pretty sure that in the U.S. you couldn't get married before 18 without parental consent. Here engagement has no legal standing whatsoever.

Now from a practical standpoint I'll say this: don't get engaged. Let me repeat that: don't get engaged. It's great that you are deeply in love with each other. Wonderful. I'm also glad that you seem to have a solid head on your shoulders for future plans. But there's no need to get engaged seven or eight years in advance of getting married. That's 50% as long as you've lived! Live your life. Enjoy your teenage years. Learn who you are. When you hit 20 if the two of you are still an item, then talk about it.

Another practical item: it's not wise to start a relationship by ticking off your future in-laws, unless you really want your life to be a little slice of Hell. When you marry a woman you marry her whole family.

[ibanezjunkie]

I don't know what the laws are in the UK, but I'm pretty sure that in the U.S. you couldn't get married before 18 without parental consent. Here engagement has no legal standing whatsoever.

Now from a practical standpoint I'll say this: don't get engaged. Let me repeat that: don't get engaged. It's great that you are deeply in love with each other. Wonderful. I'm also glad that you seem to have a solid head on your shoulders for future plans. But there's no need to get engaged seven or eight years in advance of getting married. That's 50% as long as you've lived! Live your life. Enjoy your teenage years. Learn who you are. When you hit 20 if the two of you are still an item, then talk about it.

Another practical item: it's not wise to start a relationship by ticking off your future in-laws, unless you really want your life to be a little slice of Hell. When you marry a woman you marry her whole family.

to be really honest, she is my life, and she has been the only person ive ever truely loved. apart from guitar i do nothing else, its guitar or her. so i wouldnt miss anything by committing now. im gonna leave it till after the summer this year, and see where i stand financially, socially and school-wise.

[Rocket]

Engaged, disengaged, married, single... without intent they're all just words. If you already have the intent you shouldn't feel so pressed to attach a mere word to it.
Live, love, eat, sleep... you're really too young to feel so much of life's weight unnecessarily. Give yourself a break!

[ibanezjunkie]

Engaged, disengaged, married, single... without intent they're all just words. If you already have the intent you shouldn't feel so pressed to attach a mere word to it.
Live, love, eat, sleep... you're really too young to feel so much of life's weight unnecessarily. Give yourself a break!

to be honest, being engaged to a girl im madly in love with would be the onyl good thing thats come out of the last 4 years of teenager-ness.

slags, cheating, fights, exams, Fs, ungradeds, fails and flunks.

woo for youth, i wish i was 50.

[sumitomo]

I knew this was gunna happen when I first read this,but here goes,We are a little older and we feel wiser cause well I for one have made mistakes that I would not want others to experience because they were not worth it and getting married young is way cool if the couple is ready but dont marry just for love cause love can come and go,marriage is a lifetime commitment.So enough of me I am glad you did ask some older guys and I truly hope you two do share a lifetime of growth and love together. Sumi

[ibanezjunkie]

I knew this was gunna happen when I first read this,but here goes,We are a little older and we feel wiser cause well I for one have made mistakes that I would not want others to experience because they were not worth it and getting married young is way cool if the couple is ready but dont marry just for love cause love can come and go,marriage is a lifetime commitment.So enough of me I am glad you did ask some older guys and I truly hope you two do share a lifetime of growth and love together. Sumi

were not rly planning on gettign married till our mid twenties anyway, just engagement, because i need soemthing to focus me, and being engaged would probably do that. when i think 'whats the point' shes always the first thing i think about. and i know exactly what id be getting myself into, im mature enough to know that its a life long promise, and its a promise im willing to make and keep.

thanks for all the replies btw.

[Spudman***]

woo for youth, i wish i was 50.

This is going to be good for and "I told you so" later in life. Cherish your youth mate.

And this one too

and i know exactly what id be getting myself into,

Life often doesn't seem fair at 15. We all know that because we've all been there. Marnold is right, don't go ticking anybody off over this. A lot can happen in the months and years to come. Go easy and be smart. If you make a fuss then your parents can do whatever they want legally to make you adhere to their rules, and you never want to be forced into doing anything ever. Be a cool cucumber and let life take it's course. If you and she are meant to be together then you will be together. Nothing can stop that. But if you aren't then forcing the issue will only make matters worse and you'll get really frustrated.

Let life take it's course and enjoy the ride. Just remember it's not always going to be the ride that you expected.

Oh, don't forget to keep playing your guitar...a lot.

[duhvoodooman***]

Another practical item: it's not wise to start a relationship by ticking off your future in-laws, unless you really want your life to be a little slice of Hell. When you marry a woman you marry her whole family.

Wise words here from Rev Rawk!! : :

[just strum]

You aren't going to listen to any advice that is attempting to direct you away from this decision, so it really is a waste of time.

You are soliciting an answer to a question where many of the members have had more than one marriage and maybe made the initial decision very early in life. Yet, you aren't even interested in listening to what they have to say. (where's Shiner when you need him?)

Get your personal life together before making such a big move. Another person isn't going to make the "last 4 years of teenager-ness. - slags, cheating, fights, exams, Fs, ungradeds, fails and flunks."

Make a commitment to and for yourself, before making a commitment to someone else.

[Moshe]

Being engaged means NOTHING without a ring and a wedding date.

[luvmyshiner]

Well I'm going to have to disagree with all these guys Ibanezjunkie. Hell, not only should you get engaged, you should go ahead and forge your parents signatures and get married. Trust me, it'll be great.

Then again, I'm a divorce lawyer, and I believe everyone should get married early and often.

Like the others, I'm not sure you really want to hear our advice. You're just looking for someone to affirm your decision. But I've been married a WHOLE WHOLE WHOLE WHOLE lotta times son, so I guess that makes me qualified to add my two cents.

I'm glad you're in love. When you're 15 and in love, the world is a wonderful place. But quit thinking so much about words, and titles, and status, and stuff. Just spend as much time with her as you can without neglecting your studies, friends and family, enjoy every second of life, and quit trying to grow up so damn fast. Trust me, it'll happen soon enough.

[piebaldpython***]

Slow the heck down and stop worrying about this engagement nonsense and just ENJOY being boyfriend/girlfriend. While talk of engagement is all very fine and good and CUTE........the word ENGAGEMENT of a 15 yr old girl will scare the crap out of her parents.......and then they will talk to YOUR parents....and between the 4 of them, they will put your nuts into a vise so tight that you will never see the girl. Discretion is the better part of valor in this instance. Have fun and chill out dude.
I am a 52 yr old father of a darling 22 yr old daughter. If some 15 yr old kid had wanted to get engaged to my 15 yr old daughter......that "conversation" would not have gone very well.

[Childbride]

when you are 15, you live life in your heart.

every day is a roller coaster of emotions. passions.
beliefs, and questioning who and what you are.

i have concern that you place your self-worth in a perceived state of being. a word makes nothing of who you are or what you feel.

does being in a band make you an artist at guitar? no. you cry your soul into those strings and that is what makes you what you are as a player.

can anyone feel what you feel for emma right now? no. your feelings for her are unique. a footprint on your life. does a word, 'engaged', change your relationship? no.

you can live in this state of love and emotion for the rest of your life. the word changes nothing. so why is the word so important?

i have concern, and would warn you as a woman, that to threaten, alienate, or damage the relationship with her family will alter the course of your relationship forever, and detrimentally. those bonds are deep. they can damage your relationship with emma. be careful where you tread.

i wish you luck, and i wish you love. i wish you clarity of thinking, and strength to be a man... and to know that to be a man, you must think of your life together in all things, to cement your education, your future. because you will have to grow together to stay together, and to do that, you will have to see beyond your heartbeat and your passion. you will have to see to your mutual futures.

embrace your music. do not place meanings in words.

good luck in all things.

[ZMAN]

All I can say is that I have been with the same girl/woman since we were 13.
we didn't get engaged until we were 20 and married at 21. In those days we were "going steady" That meant we were not dating anyone else. She became a Teacher and I became an accountant and we have been married 41 years. I refer to her as my first wife just to keep her on her toes. LOL.
So it can be done.

[tjcurtin1]

I love this place! IJunkie, there's a lot of heart-felt thought coming your way here. Breathe, let go a little and take it in. I understand your passion for this other wonderful human being who gives you that feeling of completeness - the half that is/was missing. The others have spoken wisely about the other aspects of your life that these feelings are set in - keep some space for the rest of your life, while you enjoy the power of love.

[sumitomo]

Oh and in the famous words of Robin Williams uses yourself some protection,and trys to use more than a condom cause a condom ain't nothing but a trampoline for sperm's,and them suckers comes sailing out of there at 500+ miles an hour,it's like trying to stop a train with a toothpick. Sumi