Guitarded

[FrankenFretter***]

Here is my situation: I have a family at home, a fiancee and her eight-year old daughter. When I spend time at home, it's almost guaranteed to be spent as "family time" of one sort or another. There's housework, homework, meals, projects, errands, walking the dogs, or just plain hanging out as a family in some aspect, be it board games, movies, or what have you. As it stands, I only play guitar about 30-60 minutes per month.. As you can imagine, for every one step forward, I'm probably taking three steps back. I'm frustrated because I love to play, but my skills deteriorate quickly when I play so seldom. Guitars are my passion; what I dream about, fantasize about, talk about (when I have a willing ear available) and think about almost constantly. It pains me that I seem to have so very little time to enjoy my passion, but I feel guilty if I feel the urge to sneak away from my family to go spend time in my music room.

I know there are plenty of you out there who must be in somewhat similar situations. I also know that most of you find the time to play, even if it's not as often as you'd like, more frequently than an hour a month. I'm looking for suggestions, and/or just some anecdotes to entertain me and soothe me. I've considered taking lessons, as that would be a sure way to get my practice in once per week. Still somewhat of a possibility, but I don't know of any teachers in town. I should point out that my fiancee, God bless her, has no interest at all whatsoever in guitar. I did at one point entertain the notion that maybe I could convince her to learn with me, but I've given up on that. Her daughter shows some interest, but her little fingers have such a hard time on her little acoustic, and I'm a horrible teacher...it's not going well.

Thanks for listening. Your input will be greatly appreciated, no matter what it is you have to say.

-Sean

[Commodore 64***]

I have 2 daughters, ages 3 and 6. On a good week, I'll get 30-60 mins in every night. A bad week, like this one, I might get 15 mins in every evening. It is very hard to get better practicing this little, I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm having no luck getting my 6 year old to learn to play guitar either.

The girls/wife will come in and out while I'm practicing, or just do their thing. Everyone needs hobbies. One hour per month is not realistic or healthy. You need to set aside at least 3 nights a week and tell your fiance and daughter that you are going to practice...they can choose to interact with you during practice or not. "Quality Time" with the family doesn't necessarily have to be actively engaging them in a board game each and every night.

Use an acoustic, even if you don't strum it, to do finger exercises while you watch TV.

[FrankenFretter***]

I have 2 daughters, ages 3 and 6. On a good week, I'll get 30-60 mins in every night. A bad week, like this one, I might get 15 mins in every evening. It is very hard to get better practicing this little, I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm having no luck getting my 6 year old to learn to play guitar either.

The girls/wife will come in and out while I'm practicing, or just do their thing. Everyone needs hobbies. One hour per month is not realistic or healthy. You need to set aside at least 3 nights a week and tell your fiance and daughter that you are going to practice...they can choose to interact with you during practice or not. "Quality Time" with the family doesn't necessarily have to be actively engaging them in a board game each and every night.

Use an acoustic, even if you don't strum it, to do finger exercises while you watch TV.

I used to keep my acoustic in the living room, so it would always be there to remind me to play whenever I had the chance. Then, for the sake of the others in the room who may not want to hear me play, I used one of my electrics (unplugged) for the same purpose. Unfortunately, the living room has been "taken over" by the girls, and their sewing projects now take up the corner where I used to keep my guitar stand. Add to that, we now have dogs, and they do sometimes [I]chew[I]on things. I'm not saying there's no solution there, and I appreciate the advice. I think my family is probably more understanding than I give them credit for. I probably just need to have a talk with them.

[@nthony]

I'm considering investing in some wireless headphones, so i can set my amp up in the living room play all I want and not disturb my fiancee.

[M29]

I eliminated showers, this gives me a good 15 minutes each day to play the guitar.... Just kidding. I am fortunate to have quite a bit of time to play but I would think as mentioned before you need to make time. I would get an inexpensive guitar that you can knock around and not be concerned about scratching it or denting it and grab is as often as you can even scuff it upside the couch or the corner wall and dig in. Make it happen. I know this sounds ah...arrogant or insensitive but (dig) into that baby in any way you can. Before you know it you will get some satisfaction from it. IMHO of course.
Something I do 75% of the time is play an electric unplugged. It don't sound that great but I can play it without bothering anyone and get my playing in.

[sumitomo]

In the winter it gets cold in my music room and no playing in the living room,that is until I got my Yamaha Silent,I can jam sitting on the couch while they watch T.V. and my I-pod plugs into the guitar and I can jam along in warmth and the family is happy.Sumi

[sunvalleylaw]

Boy, I go through waves. Family comes first, so a lot of time it is relatively late most of the fam are in bed. This summer, it was hard to do much. But scheduling some jams keeps me motivated, and I have been carving out more time, instead of TV or internet, etc. since joining a jam and finding another person to play with occasionally. I also do the headphone thing sometimes, and having my playing area in the same place as my computer helps a lot. If my wife is using that room to watch TV and I don't want to, I go to the other room with my acoustic or with headphones.

[bcdon***]

When I stopped watching TV I found loads of newly available time. If your family has shows that they like to watch, excuse yourself so you can play guitar.

I also try and get up an hour (half) early so I can play a little bit before heading to work. It's amazing how good a day I have when I begin the day with a little guitar practice.

You can also try staying up an extra 30 minutes at night to devote to your guitar. I've found it is pretty easy to adjust my sleeping pattern if I do so in small chunks (say 30 minutes) and stick with it for at least 2 weeks.

Cheers!

[Kazz]

You just have to find time....as a family they will (re: should) understand that this small block of time is really important to you.

[FrankenFretter***]

I eliminated showers, this gives me a good 15 minutes each day to play the guitar.... Just kidding. I am fortunate to have quite a bit of time to play but I would think as mentioned before you need to make time. I would get an inexpensive guitar that you can knock around and not be concerned about scratching it or denting it and grab is as often as you can even scuff it upside the couch or the corner wall and dig in. Make it happen. I know this sounds ah...arrogant or insensitive but (dig) into that baby in any way you can. Before you know it you will get some satisfaction from it. IMHO of course.
Something I do 75% of the time is play an electric unplugged. It don't sound that great but I can play it without bothering anyone and get my playing in.

Most of my guitars would probably fit that description.

[M29]

Your in there man! I know what you mean

[NWBasser]

Hi Sean.

We've talked about this before and I'm in a similar situation. I do try to play, but Dawson (my 5-year old son) hears it and will come in immediately to start grabbing and/or stumming the guitar/bass. My saving grace is being in a band where I can leave the house and all its distractions for awhile at least. That works for bass, but doesn't leave any time for guitar.

Talk to them and see if they can agree to leave you alone to practice/decompress for 15 minutes a day. It's not asking for much and if you schedule it at a particular time, they'll get used to it. If they feel like they're part of the solution, it usually works out better.

It's kind of a bummer situation where I can get the time to write about playing, but not the time to actually do it.

[jpfeifer]

I can relate to this struggle to balance family time with music time. It's really hard, I know. I still struggle with this. Most of my practice time happens after everyone has gone to bed. By that time I'm often pretty tired, but I force myself to stay up a little later to get the time in. Here are a couple of other things you might think of, to help get more time with the guitar but not fall short on your family time.

- pull out the guitar and play for the kids at night when they go to bed. I used to do this to practice my solo guitar stuff, or just strum and sing to help them fall asleep.
- get some of the family involved in playing with you. If your kids play other instruments try to find some ways to have them play with you. My daughter used to play her flute with me. Or, if you have any kids interested in drums then it's a good way to get them to practice
- another thing I got involved in is playing music at church, since it was a family activity anyway, it gave me another outlet for playing music. The family got involved in the choir so we all did this together.

-- Jim

[Retro Hound]

I probably only get 10-15 minutes a day. Occasionally half an hour. Some days it's just playing while sitting in the kitchen with the wife while she makes dinner. Doesn't work as well when I'm the one making dinner. I'll Strum while watching TV, but we don't watch much TV. I do try to get in a few minutes everyday, and end up with 6 days a week generally.

BTW, kudos for making the family a priority.

[FusedGrooves]

learn to stay up later and play when everyone's gone to bed? on weekends I try to give quality time doing specific things with the kids say in the morning, but then arrange to have a block of time in the arvo for playing....it is hard though! Makes me appreciate all that time learning/playing before having little else to do LOL

[deeaa*]

I know exactly what you mean, I'm the same. If I didn't go to band practice every other week, I'd almost never play the guitar. And often, like this week, I could only be at the practice about an hour twenty minutes before I had to run back.

What I do to get some time for myself, is I try to arrange some free time for my wife. Take the kids to the store, outside, to a friend's place, or whatever for a few hours so she can just be alone for a while. Then I can also take an hour or two for my own projects without scruples now and then when it's necessary. I'll even tell her like, 'look, I'll take the kids for now, you go on and visit the town or something, I'll spend some time in the basement then in the evening when you come back.'

The second thing I do is I try to sometimes slip into the kitchen and play for a short while when the rest of the family is watching TV. Not very often, but sometimes I get a good 30 minutes. While at it, I try to also put away dishes, make coffee and chocolate for them etc. so it doesn't feel like I'm just away doing my own thing. Multitasking as much as possible. Sometimes I can also play some while watching the TV - as long as it's more like picking stuff, not bending and wailing and of course sans amp, it's OK for short whiles. I do keep a guitar in the living room for that.

Thirdly, I've taught myself to only sleep about six hours, while the rest of the family sleeps 8-10 hours. So quite often my wife goes to bed with the kids at eight, and I can do whatever I like until midnight. Well, usually I'm not very eager to play the guitar at that time, it's mostly drinking beer, mixing maybe, or playing computer or Xbox games really...too tired to play the guitar usually. I get good sleep however because I then go to sleep in another room entirely and not be woken up by the kids for the rest of the night. Usually in the morning I wake up and take the eldest kid downstairs to watch cartoons with me and type away at emails etc. for an hour or so before I go to work and wake up the rest as I'm leaving.

The only downside to all this is of course that I only get to see and be with my wife for a short while in the morning, maybe, if that, and for a couple of hours in the evening, which we usually mostly spend watching TV with the family or visiting a store or something with the family. But it's just a fact of life there is no 'us' time with the wife when you have kids. Only very seldom. But we do both get to go out now and then with our friends, it's only we never get to do it together. Sometimes it's planning to the minute, i.e. she has to be somewhere from 9 to 11 and I have to be at work from 11 to 14 and then again she has to get back to work by three, so sometimes it's proper racing around the town to get one of us at home while the other runs to work or something. But basically, the only way to get 'free' time is to take it off from the time with the wife. Don't worry, it's only for like 10 years or so till the kids are bigger, then you have the rest of your lives to stare at each other's mugs :-)

One excellent thing is that Sunday is now a regular day here, they changed the law so that stores are open etc. and that's great, because before there was nothing to do on Sundays except be at home, now it's much easier to get something arranged for Sundays as well.

[FrankenFretter***]

As usual, I derive motivation and inspiration from my fellow Fretters. I haven't tried playing after the kid goes to bed yet, I suppose because I was thinking it would wake her, but she sleeps like the dead. That might be an option on the nights that we're not finishing a movie that we started earlier that evening. Getting together with other musicians is something that I've been wanting to do for quite a while now, but the other musicians I know share some of my same challenges with family time. And, add to that, I'm not sure if any of us have a decent space for jamming. Close neighbors, small spaces, and kids...Challenging, but probably not impossible.

Ideally, I'd like to have 30 minutes per day to play, but realistically I might be able to get 30 minutes every few days. Still, that would be a big improvement. And Dee is right; the kids do eventually grow up (take heart, Jason).

Thanks to all who have contributed, and thanks in advance to those who will contribute. I appreciate it very much.

-Sean

[NWBasser]

Well, at least my situation has improved.

Since my hours have been reduced at work, I now get to care for my son one weekday. So, I can play after I take him to kindergarten.

I've been itching to do some writing/composing and now I'll get the chance.

I'll have less money for gear now, but more time to spend with the stuff I have so it works for the better.

[FrankenFretter***]

Update: I talked to my fiancee about spending some time every day with my guitars, and she was very understanding and open about it. I also told her I plan to start lessons (for the first time in almost 25 years) in January. Now that I have the okay, it's up to me to make it happen. If I'm going to buy a Les Paul with my tax return, I feel like I should be worthy of it first.

Sidenote: I need to find some decent headphones I can use with an amp. I'm not looking to spend over $50. Suggestions?

-Sean