My first real attempt

[Justaguyin_nc]

Ok, this is about the only FULL song I been trying to create in my year of playing.. I mean actually trying.. on a level of a newbie trying.. I sit and try to play the rhythm clearly but still fail..practice practice..hard to hold those C9's and D9's for me.. hurts..lol

Under 2 minutes.. it suppose to be a bluesy slow rhythm kinda thing... obviusly I like the slow blues that you sit back, smoke a cig and drink to as your mind goes numb.. Justa slow G song.. has a G7 (barred 3rd),C9 (at the 2nd-3rd),A7(barred 5th), D9( at the 4t-5th) then back again rhythm to.. with a G blues scale lead and one octive up G blues fill in the background and a bass line put in with the rhythm... don't just say that phony "thats good".. not that I think anyone here is phoney.. Be BRUTAL.. Be Cruel.. I can take it but be supportive.. I need to learn how to play those chords fluidly that I know.. and I know the vocals are to low.. wondering if there was a better voicing of the chords but keeping with the sound/rhythm if ya know what I mean.. or different chords making the simular but maybe better voicing of the rhythm part.. I actually like my own lead..so that stays cause it's simple..I keep clamming on the fill..more practice.. The main phrase is "I been watching you baby" so was trying a melody kinda sorta to match the phrase and stay slow..any help would be appreciated.. or just needs some polishing over and over and over again with some drum snare etc? (none available yet or thought of) so tell me.. all to slow and blah? needs a better build someplace? kinda got a good rhythm to it? sounds like the rhythm/tempo in a current song so its to close to continue? etc etc.. give it a few listens before deciding..

thank you..

Box.net Link: http://www.box.net/public/xpjmc7huxm

[SuperSwede]

Justa, thats good but could you please turn up the volume on the vocals? I love when you sing, you have a good voice.

[Tone2TheBone]

Hey Justa...can you email me the file? I can't access that link from werk.

[aeolian]

Justa, why have you waited so long? There's basically nothing wrong with your tune, in fact I thought the lead and and octave fills are very tasty. OK, the locals should be turned up; but I know how one feels about one's singing. That's why I have only ever recorded one song with vocals, and that is only in the background.

To be honest, I think the rhythm guitar messes up the song a bit. If I were doing this song I'd play a more sparse pattern on the rhythm. The rhythm is a 1-and 2-and 3-and 4-and. I would probably only do a light strum on the -and, and that's it. Another thing you may try is to find a blues shuffle drum track and practice your rhythm against it. I hope I don't offend you with my suggestions. I do like your tune, and I've listened about 5 or 6 times already.

aeolian

[zeusse]

Ya those C9's and D9's plus a few others can be tough in the beginning I know my daughter struggles with them too. But alas you gave them a good go and the tune was good....don't be shy about the vox levels my vocals are terrible but on the few I have sung on I'll bring them up...mind you the cats run away when I sing..LOL

[Justaguyin_nc]

To be honest, I think the rhythm guitar messes up the song a bit. If I were doing this song I'd play a more sparse pattern on the rhythm. The rhythm is a 1-and 2-and 3-and 4-and. I would probably only do a light strum on the -and, and that's it.

I appreciate the input alot..and that was my opinion to..I don't know how to write or explain this stuff but.. I think a more basic 4 pattern worked..kinda sorta.. http://www.box.net/public/u04n9s5cb8


The Rhythm was suppose to be something like this : with the "AND" being the up strum and on the 1 just the lowest string played out.. G7 - 1 2 and 3 4, 1 2 and 3 4, 1 2 and 3 4, 1 2 and 3 4, C9 - 1 2 and 3 4, 1 2 and 3 4, G7 -1 2 and 3 4, 1 2 and 3 4, A7 - 1 and 2 3 and 4, D9 - 1 and 2 3 and 4, G7 - 1 2 and 3 4, 1 2 and 3 4, repeat...
I also kinda hesitated on the lowest string during the 3 4 combos sounding it out before strumming if that makes sense... and the 2 3 combos comming from the heighest string with same hesitent as the 3 4..so I have a pattern kinda sorta.. dunno what kind..lol.. its not 1 2 3 4 or 1 and 2 and 3 and 4.. I know the rhythm sounded strange to me but didnt backup to basics... maybe because there is no structure in the sense of 1 and 2 and 3 and 4..reason I wanted honest... I am lost on the structure to give it..to sound better.. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 makes it sound completely different and much easier to play.. I think this is my lack of knowing other rhythm patterns or what makes them for different sounding songs if that makes sense also.. maybe its just me needing to learn timing better.. practice practice..

I guess simple is better..and I over did it on the rhythm..thats why this is such a good way to get input for these rough things..

any further input is helpfull.. gotta love the nets instant input..beats waiting for a teacher a week later..

[stingx]

I thought the playing was fantastic. The production could be better but I can't fault you there. Oh, and like mentioned, you need to bump up the vocals. I had my speakers cranked and could barely hear you.

[Hogfullofblues]

Well, I think you hit the nail on the head for the sit back kinda blues you described. That is exactly where it put me as I listened a few times. Everything I heard was good and it was all there! But on occasion, to me, it sounded like too much was going on at the same time. So my honest, brutal and supportive impressions would be to just try and sparse things out a bit here and there if that makes sense, including even less strumming.
#2 is let your voice be heard! You have a good voice tone and is not too low here, and have this Johnny Cash/Roy Orbison/Willie Neson warble goin on that is awesome and perfect for this song, especially as recorded with the acoustic feel.
This is fretnet CD material, my friend.

[Justaguyin_nc]

So my honest, brutal and supportive impressions would be to just try and sparse things out a bit here and there if that makes sense, including even less strumming.

Makes alot of sense...and thank you for the input.. thats what I want to hear..I actually tried another with less rhythm that cleans up better.. I just got to start it all again with the same feel.. thanks for the listen..

practice practice..but less busy.. sounds like the right road to take..

[sunvalleylaw]

Makes alot of sense...and thank you for the input.. thats what I want to hear..I actually tried another with less rhythm that cleans up better.. I just got to start it all again with the same feel.. thanks for the listen..

practice practice..but less busy.. sounds like the right road to take..

Thanks Justa. I applaud your effort. Thanks for posting.

[tremoloman***]

Nice work! I think it sounds really cool! Now let's hear the vocals my friend!

[oldguy]

Really, nice, Justa, you improve with each new tune, I think.
As for suggestions...what he said..."turnupyourvocalsweliketohearyousing"!
Glenn