Why should "we" apologize?

[Tone2TheBone]

I've read lots of threads here and one thing I notice is that a lot of us apologize for our playing. Especially when someone has posted a song they've recorded and shared here with the rest of us. Why do we do that?

When I ask someone to play something for me I don't care how good they are or how advanced they are in their technique...I don't even mention anything about it, yet everyone I have asked will almost always apologize for their playing. I listen to appreciate the state of the art and I still grab any kind of knowledge from them that they can offer...even if they're novices. Who cares? At least they're playing. No one should ever have to apologize for their playing ability I think. Maybe it's cause as humans we're very competitive and self conscious.

What do you guys think?

[Katastrophe]

Well said, tone!

I don't care about playing ability either. Enthusiasm and a love for playing is what's important. Besides, as a new player, the best way to learn is by hanging with other musicians and asking questions. I still do it to this day, and learn from it just about every time.

[Myles]

Apologizing for one's playing is natural like any other creative endeavor. You put your heart and soul into your hobby and many of us would rather apologize to guard ourselves from critics rather they ask "what do you guys think?". Often, we simply want people to respond with encouragement and not with critism. As humans we need positive reinforcement, some of us more than others, but its still needed.

Nonetheless, I agree with tone2thebone's movement. You have to have the confidence in your abilities to not apologize for it and you have to understand that by not apologizing you will gain other's respect (and critism, unfortunately), but most importantly you will respect yourself.

[Matt]

how funny, just apologised for the sloppy intro i posted in the acoustic section and then read this. I think Vitalmyles hit the nail on the head- by apologising we are sort of guarding ourselves against critisism we may recieve, but like the others, i agree- we shouldnt have to!

regards

Matt

[Nelskie]

I also think that when you're exposing your playing to potentially hundreds of people, you might feel a little intimidated by others who are much better than you are. I remember a time not too long ago when I sat in with my friends band for part of a set, it was like "Whoa, what am I doing here!" All were very accomplished musicians. Anyways, my playing was a little "edgy" to start out with. My friend says, "I've heard you play this song perfectly a hundred times . . . just relax." A song or two later, I was in the flow of things, and felt pretty comfortable with my playing.

I think the same principle holds true of what we post on this forum - esp. stuff like original songs and clips. As we all become familiar with the "surroundings" here, I think that "I'm sorry" attitude will dissipate. Personally, I've been VERY inspired by the members who have shared with us some of their own music and playing, either on this site, through their own web pages, or via community-type music pages. As 2006 progresses, I am looking forward to doing the same.

Tone brings up a key issue, and one that I think directly affects our members involvement in this forum. It was something that needed to be said, and now that it has, I think we can all move forward in a very positive frame of mind.

Tone - great post; Myles, Kat, Matt - excellent follow-up.

[Robert****]

Great post, Tone! And great follow-ups. I'm still thinking about my response...I'll add it later when the fog clears.

[marnold***]

I'd like to apologize for this post. And my haircut.

[SuperSwede]

Tone, I think you are absolutely right... I am one of those "excuse me for living" characters too, I guess it is very deep rooted (at least in me) that it´s not entirely ok to present something that you don´t think is 100% perfect.
Sorry if my reply were a bit confusing

[Tone2TheBone]

Excellent responses guys! I kinda wanted us to think about this and you guys had great replies. I agree with Vital that we're so used to validating ourselves, but we also seek to be praised in some way even at the risk of "looking" like a dope. Each of you had very good points and expanded on this idea very well. No one should feel the need to apologize for their creativity here. Katastrophe made an excellent point in that we can learn and absorb so much by playing with others, especially ones that are better than us. I know I have learned a great deal by asking questions and jamming along with better players. I even learn from people just starting out too. Some of the best players I've ever heard have been people that are so humble you wouldn't have ever known they played at all. I'm sure they apologized at one time or another for something they've done or not done correctly in their eyes. We're our worst critics. As Nelski said maybe we can move on in a positive way and share our creativity without regard to self criticism. I think those of you that have posted songs have done an awesome job! Bravo! This was just something to throw out...food for thought...and the responses were awesome.

[tremoloman***]

Apologizing for one's playing is natural like any other creative endeavor. You put your heart and soul into your hobby and many of us would rather apologize to guard ourselves from critics rather they ask "what do you guys think?". Often, we simply want people to respond with encouragement and not with critism. As humans we need positive reinforcement, some of us more than others, but its still needed.

I think your statement sums up why people apologize.

For years I refrained from joining a band and performing live due to the fear and intimidation I felt. I was so caught up in worrying about “not being good enough” and troubled what other musicians in the audience might think of my playing.

How did I get over it?

A few years ago, I went to see a friend’s band play in a bar. The guitar player wasn’t that skilled in the solo department, yet it didn’t seem to bother him. After the gig I asked him about soloing. He told me, “I know I’m no Eddie Van Halen, but I’m just doing my own thing.” I thought to myself “he’s right… stop trying to be someone you aren’t… just do your own thing.” From that point on, I stopped worrying and started playing.

A month later, I was playing with my friend Peter who is an amazing talent. He picked up my guitar and played some classical music that blew me away. I said “Yikes… dude, I’m not even close to your skill level.” He replied back “There is no such thing as good or bad - music is merely subjective. Perhaps I can play classical songs that you aren’t able to yet. So what? You can play ‘Hot For Teacher’ and ‘YYZ’, songs that I don’t have a prayer of performing. See, the better you become at guitar, the more humble you will be. Stop worrying what people think and just play dammit! You will never be able to please everybody, so just play what you like and play for yourself.” I took his advice and never looked back. Since then, I formed a band and we’ve played live together for years now.

I thought I’d share that everyone in case any of you may be a victim of the paranoia I used to struggle with.

[Tone2TheBone]

Trem,

Well put! Very well put. I don't mean this in anyway to discredit what all of us do musically with this next statement but really...90% of the people won't even notice anything we've done wrong when listening to us play. To the general Joe or Josephine, we sound great. Now to fellow musicians it's different...but in light of what Tremelo said about his friend...just get up and play and play it like you mean it. People and fellow musicians will pick up on that vibe from you and like what you're doing when you put your ALL into it.

[sunvalleylaw]

I think your statement sums up why people apologize.

For years I refrained from joining a band and performing live due to the fear and intimidation I felt. I was so caught up in worrying about “not being good enough” and troubled what other musicians in the audience might think of my playing.

How did I get over it?

. . . Since then, I formed a band and we’ve played live together for years now.

I thought I’d share that everyone in case any of you may be a victim of the paranoia I used to struggle with.

Thanks T-man, and thanks Tone for the thread that I only now found. It helps move me along.

[Tone2TheBone]

Spank some sweet riffs on your awesome 60th through that new Classic 30 you're getting! Get that motivation flowing bro!

[sunvalleylaw]

Spank some sweet riffs on your awesome 60th through that new Classic 30 you're getting! Get that motivation flowing bro!

Its all coming. Part of my New Year's resolutions. More playing, less spraying!

[Spudman***]

I'm sorry. I missed this thread somehow.

[kerc]

When I get my Reverend, I'll record a clips and I promise I won't apologize for the clams. Seafood is good anyway.

[kerc]

Apologizing for one's playing is natural like any other creative endeavor. You put your heart and soul into your hobby and many of us would rather apologize to guard ourselves from critics rather they ask "what do you guys think?". Often, we simply want people to respond with encouragement and not with critism. As humans we need positive reinforcement, some of us more than others, but its still needed.

Nonetheless, I agree with tone2thebone's movement. You have to have the confidence in your abilities to not apologize for it and you have to understand that by not apologizing you will gain other's respect (and critism, unfortunately), but most importantly you will respect yourself.

By the way, I agree 101%.

[oldguy]

I have recently acquired 2 Squier 51's, and will post clips when time allows.
The Squier's are both very nice axes and sound fine. I am sure the clips will not be very professional, however, and for whatever suckage factor involved I will be sure not to apologize. I will try to include at least one of Robert's chromatic licks (Thanks, Robert!), as I have been practicing them. I will play them to the best of my ability, and not apologize for this, either.
By not apologizing, I don't expect to garner others respect, but critism is, as always, welcomed. It will be read, listened to, given the utmost attention, scrutinized, and summarily giggled at and dismissed. I promise.

[snarph]

Now if we could only do something about the way every body screws the faces up when they play every thing would be alright