Newset song/collaboration

[333maxwell]

This is a collaboration with a friend from the UK.

I did the guitar work, and the ambient synth noises,
some drum hit work and the backup vocals.

I’d like to get some feedback if anyone has the time.

It’s a bit deep and a true story from the perspective
of my buddy.. but not a downer by any means.

Thanks in advance for the ear and the advice.

At the top of the page, I present ‘Sacrifice’.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...?bandID=676362

[333maxwell]

I've put up worse songs... Is the subject matter uncomfortable.. or does the song just suck??

I admit I am a bit out of my normal realm, but enjoyed working on this one a lot but have too much interest invested in it to be non biased..

Be brutaly honest.. I am assuming there is 'something' awkward as in the other forum I frequent it is being played, but no one else is interested in discussing it either...

______________

*handing out gas masks*

[333maxwell]

I've had a slew of hits/listens from here, but no feedback..

hits are fun, the song went to #6 in the general rock category..

this does me NO good however..

I really would appreciate any feedback from those who have listened, on why the song sucks, or works..

I come looking for help, not hits..

Thanks for the chart placment, but I am still just as big of dummy about the tune as I was when I put it up here looking for advice..

So anyone that listened.. why wasn't this pallatable.. or why was it? What can I do next time?

I am a bit out of my norm with this tune, so any and all advice would certainly be much valued..

Thanks!

[marnold***]

Well, Max, here's my take on it. I always feel a little odd critiquing something like this when I have not done it before myself. That's why I had not responded until now.

I just found the lyrics to be too maudlin. I'm not questioning that that's how your collaborator felt, but the lyrics combined with the way it was sung brought it thisclose to going from emotional to silly. It's almost like he's trying so hard to write and sing emotionally that he becomes a caricature of himself.

To offer something positive, I thought that the guitar fills were well-placed and added to the song rather than sticking out like "Here's a guitar fill!" It's never a bad thing to try to step out of your personal comfort zone and try the kind of song you might not otherwise play.

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I've never been a big fan of sad pop ballads, no matter how heartfelt it might be. So thus perhaps take my comments with the stereotypical grain of salt.

[333maxwell]

Well, Max, here's my take on it. I always feel a little odd critiquing something like this when I have not done it before myself. That's why I had not responded until now.

I just found the lyrics to be too maudlin. I'm not questioning that that's how your collaborator felt, but the lyrics combined with the way it was sung brought it thisclose to going from emotional to silly. It's almost like he's trying so hard to write and sing emotionally that he becomes a caricature of himself.

To offer something positive, I thought that the guitar fills were well-placed and added to the song rather than sticking out like "Here's a guitar fill!" It's never a bad thing to try to step out of your personal comfort zone and try the kind of song you might not otherwise play.

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I've never been a big fan of sad pop ballads, no matter how heartfelt it might be. So thus perhaps take my comments with the stereotypical grain of salt.

Fair enough my friend..

I LOVE your taking your time to tell me like it is from your perspective..

I take it to heart and I really appreciate it!

[sunvalleylaw]

Man, I listened last night, and wasn't quite sure how to say what I wanted, but Marnold hits it pretty right by me. I do like some sad ballads, like say, Springsteens "Wreck on the highway" from The River. It comes close to being silly, but somehow avoids it. I agree with Marnold that this one, though I am sure well intended, gets over the top both in lyrics and then singing. I think the lyrics are what put the singing over the top. I think the theme is good, the statement of the issue is fine, but how it resolves gets syrupy somehow. Like Marnold, I have never done what you have done before, and am just a newbie guitarist, so many grains of salt, a wedge of lime and a shot of Patron are advised with this opinion. I know you wanted feedback sooner, but by the time I listened at the end of the day yesterday, I was not able to take the time to write a cogent comment.

[333maxwell]

Man, I listened last night, and wasn't quite sure how to say what I wanted, but Marnold hits it pretty right by me. I do like some sad ballads, like say, Springsteens "Wreck on the highway" from The River. It comes close to being silly, but somehow avoids it. I agree with Marnold that this one, though I am sure well intended, gets over the top both in lyrics and then singing. I think the lyrics are what put the singing over the top. I think the theme is good, the statement of the issue is fine, but how it resolves gets syrupy somehow. Like Marnold, I have never done what you have done before, and am just a newbie guitarist, so many grains of salt, a wedge of lime and a shot of Patron are advised with this opinion. I know you wanted feedback sooner, but by the time I listened at the end of the day yesterday, I was not able to take the time to write a cogent comment.

Thanks a million for the ear and the feedback.. like I say, I am a bit out of my element with this one. I certainly acknowledge it is a bit cliche... I may of been mistaken in thinking that the cliches (like the thunder samples) might be what saves it.. *L*

Appreciate your time and effort.. I really really do!

[sunvalleylaw]

You bet. As long as it is helpful to you and you understand I have no real background in this other than as a listener to music and newbie guitarist.

[333maxwell]

You bet. As long as it is helpful to you and you understand I have no real background in this other than as a listener to music and newbie guitarist.

It's all good my friend.. I asked for responses from the listeners and you gave me yours.. and I took it to heart..

Thanks again.. I realize I was the one who 'cliche'd' it up..

I take the responsibility.. and I even had fun doing it too! *G*