Funny Jokes, anyone?

[sumitomo]

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful.She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note,he felt there must be a mistake.He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,"I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" The blonde said,"No,I want 25 gallons.I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a bath so I can look young and beautiful again."The milkman asked,"Do you want it pasteurized?"The blonde said,"No,just up to my tits.I can splash it on my eyes." Sumi

[Katastrophe]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one, sumi!

[sumitomo]

It's a proven fact that women can only drive 68 miles per hour,cause when they hit 69 they flip over and blow a rod!! Sumi

[Spudman***]

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she does.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous!

Why are you committing suicide?"


"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

[bcdon***]

HAHA. Thanks Sumi and Spudman, those are awesome!!

[Spudman***]

When Gene Krupa died, being one of the greatest drummers of all time, he of
course went to heaven. (Gene wasn't perfect, but God appreciates talent). When
Krupa arrived at the pearly gates, St Peter told him that they had him all set
up with his own cloud and a vintage set of Ludwigs, an exact replica of the kit
he used back on earth. He asked Gene if he had any other requests, and Gene
says, "Just one. Now that I'm here, all I want is to be able to play the drums
and not have to worry about Buddy Rich. I hate that SOB, and I don't want to
see, hear, or in any way have to deal with that arrogant bastard ever again."
"No problem," St Peter said. "Consider it done."

So a couple of days later, Gene is jamming away on his cloud, and all of a
sudden he hears some awesome drumming off in the distance. It was so clean and
fast and furious, there was only one person who it could be. Gene was absolutely
livid, so he went straight to St Peter and said "What's the deal? I ask for one
little thing, just one, and before I know it, here comes Buddy Rich. Are you
trying to drive me crazy?"

"Oh, that's not Buddy Rich, " said St Peter. "It's God. He just thinks he's
Buddy Rich."

[kiteman]

This guy decided he wants an unusual pet so he went to a pet store and after looking around bought a centipede. He decided to name him Clyde.

When they got home the guy went about setting up a pad for Clyde to sleep and after the work he said to Clyde, "What say we go hit a bar and down a few suds?"

Clyde said nothing.

After a while the guy said, "C'mon, let's go to the bar."

Still Clyde said nothing.

Exasperated the guy said, "Don't you want to go to a bar with me or not Clyde?"

Clyde said, "I heard you the first time man, I'm putting my shoes on!"

[poodlesrule]

Pokemon: a Jamaican proctologist.



(I have two on staff, neither of them Jamaicans, sadly...!)

[bcdon***]

(I have two on staff, neither of them Jamaicans, sadly...!)

You have two what on staff? Pokemons or proctologists?

[kiteman]

I thought this one up.

What do you call a domesticated Buick?

A carpet.

[ZMAN]

I hope nobody posted this one.
A guy finally saves up enough money to buy a Super Bowl Ticket. He heads out to the game and finds his seat. He sits down and he sees an empty seat and a guy sitting on the other side. He turns to the guy and says "wow an empty seat at the Super Bowl. " The guy turns to him with a sad look and says yes that was is my wife's seat. We never missed a game in 25 years. And she passed away. The first guy gives his condolences and sits back. it really bugs him that the guy would keep an empty seat, so he blurts out. Couldn't you give the seat to one of your friends or relatives.
The second guys says No they are all at the funeral!

[poodlesrule]

Did you hear about the computer programmer who starved to death in the
shower? The shampoo directions said, "Wash, rinse, repeat."

.

[Eric***]

Did you hear about the computer programmer who starved to death in the
shower? The shampoo directions said, "Wash, rinse, repeat."

Nice. That's worth at least a chuckle.

[Robert****]

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang Answering, he heard his wife's voice
urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Please
be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "its not just one car Its hundreds of them!"

[poodlesrule]

.... Posted in a veterinarian's office: "Back in 5 minutes. Sit. Stay."


.

[poodlesrule]

Come on people, we need some levity!

Here's one:

Marriage Counseling

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife go for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife starts in on a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the years they've been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she's had to endure.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but on Fridays I go fishing."


.

[Robert****]

metronome: a city-dwelling dwarf.

[tjcurtin1]

Wow - working through that thread to get here reminded me of a lot of old names and avatars... Where are they now? Miss a lot of those fine folks.

[deeaa*]

I bet many still lurk here, even if don't post so often. I've been posting to agf of late and basically the same as articles on a Finnish forum often, hasn't seemed like a sensible thing to post the same stuff to a third place.

Here's a broken down Gibson Faded SG I completely refinished and overhauled with reshaped neck and all though, the end result is on the vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5okJYzIBjM&sns=em

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