Funny Jokes, anyone?

[Heywood Jablomie]

Hmmm...You been hanging around Sweet Home, Heywood?

LOL. .....or Lebanon

BTW, we're practically neighbors - I'm in Corvallis

[sumitomo]

Hmmm...You been hanging around Sweet Home, Heywood?

I think you guys are mixed up,you mean Prineville!Sheep run and hide there,I've never seen a sheep in Prineville,but everyone looks like your sister? Sumi

[msteeln]

1st graders were instructed to draw the person they most respected. As the teacher went around the class inspecting the children's progress she stopped and asked one girl what she was drawing. The child said "I'm drawing God". The amused teacher then explaind that nobody knows what God actually look's like. The girl quickly responded without even looking up, "they will in a minute!".

[poodlesrule]

... to screw in a light bulb?



scroll down





some more







Answer:
Five - One to turn the bulb and four to complain that it's electric.




(source: www.guitartips.addr.com/guitar_jokes.html)

[Spudman***]

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven


1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold,
I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack.
I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---
we'd both still be alive.

[Robert****]

Spud, that was awesome!

Here's 2 short ones:

Teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"
------
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
- That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts?

[deeaa*]

Coupla of short, morbid ones:

- Mom! Why is dad running?
- Shut up and hand me more ammo!

**

- Mom, why didn't I get no xmas present at all?
- Well, its 'coz you're dying of cancer shortly anyway

**

- Hey kids, whatcha doing there?
- Playing cannibals!
- Is our Pete there too?
- Not any more he's not!

**

- Hey son, what are you builing in the basement with your friends?
- *mumbles*
- WHAT!?!
- a guillotine for stray dogs!
- Heh, thank god! I though you said gulpin' beer and stong grogs for a sec there!

**

[sumitomo]

Found an old vid of a party I went to once! Sumi

[Spudman***]

Cute Sumi. What fruit does that?

[sumitomo]

You know I can't remember? Sumi Really though there is very little water in that region and with the heat the fruit ferments right on the tree.

[sumitomo]

Coyote Population


The Alberta Government and the Alberta Forest service were presenting an alternative to Alberta ranchers for controlling the coyote population.It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators,the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution.

What they proposed wasfor the animals to be captured alive,the males would then be castrated and let loose again.Therefore the population would be controlled.This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Alberta Ranching Association by the Alberta Government and the Alberta Forest Service.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazinng idea for a couple of minutes.Finally,one of the old boys in the back of the conference room stood up,tipped his hat back and said,'Son,I don't think you understand our problem.Those coyotes ain't f--kin' our sheep..........they're eatin''em!"


Sumi

[sumitomo]

Sumi
Hey Robert now This could cause a brown out!

[Spudman***]

That video is a riot!

[Robert****]

Got it Sumi! Thanks!

[sumitomo]

This on is good also! Sumi

[FrankenFretter***]

LOL. .....or Lebanon

BTW, we're practically neighbors - I'm in Corvallis

Yeah, I remember that. Hence the Sweet Home reference. I've never actually been there, btw. I have heard stories, though.

I love Corvallis. You ever eat at Local Boys?

[FrankenFretter***]

Sumi
Hey Robert now This could cause a brown out!

I laughed so hard, I almost had a yellow out!

Stop me if you've heard this one:

An Irishman walks past a bar...

[Mr Pants]

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

[Spudman***]

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.