Cheesy joke thread. come on everyone contribute!

[The_Shredinator21]

Ok, this thread is basically what that name says it is. Say all of your cheesy or funny jokes. I'll start it off.

There is a blond who goes into a store and says to the cashier i would like to buy that VCR, and the store clerk says we dont sell to blonds.
So the blond goes and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store and says i would like to buy that VCR and the clerk says i dont sell to blonds.
She then goes and dyes her hair green and goes back into the store and says i would like to buy that VCR. The clerk says we don't sell to blonds. The now green blond says "Well why not?" and the clerk says. Because thats a TV:

this thread is not ment to hurt anyones feelings

[pes_laul]

oh man I got a million

horse walk into a bar bartender says why the long face :


two muffins in a oven one says to the other "boy its hot in here" the other one says " oh my god a talking muffin"

[Glacies]

Here's one from the best movie ever made:

Why do cows wear bells?

Cuz their horns don't work!

[just strum]

http://www.thefret.net/showthread.ph...213#post104213

[luvmyshiner]

Three blonds are walking on the beach when they discover a magic lantern. They rub it, and a genie pops out promising to grant each of them a wish.

The first blond says "I'm tired of all these dumb blond jokes, I want to be twice as smart as I am now". So POOF . . . she was brunette.

The second blond says "I agree, these blond jokes are ridiculous I want to be THREE times smarter." So POOF . . . she was brunette and her breasts disappeared.

Third blond says "Look, I know a good thing when I see it, and you girls are making a mistake. I want to be twice as dumb as I am now." So POOF . . . she was a man.

Tell that to all your female friends. It really pisses 'em off because they're all set to rip into you until the punch line, then they can't be mad.

[marnold***]

Obligatory Monty Python joke. I'll apologize in advance. Pes and Shred, please leave the room.







They gone?





Good.





"I'm tired of all this sex on the television. I mean . . . I keep falling off!"

[Katastrophe]

Obligatory Monty Python joke. I'll apologize in advance. Pes and Shred, please leave the room.







They gone?





Good.





"I'm tired of all this sex on the television. I mean . . . I keep falling off!"

That's it... I hereby officially ask to be included as a member of your congregation Rev... Do you do sermons on the Web?:

[luvmyshiner]

That's it... I hereby officially ask to be included as a member of your congregation Rev... Do you do sermons on the Web?:

And can I drink a beer while I'm watching them?

[bigoldron]

That's it... I hereby officially ask to be included as a member of your congregation Rev... Do you do sermons on the Web?:

Hey, I'll play in your online praise band! Krashpad may want to join us too!

[luvmyshiner]

This one may be a little much, but it made me laugh (and my brother put it on the announcement board in his church).



If it's inappropriate y'all let me know and I'll voluntarily remove it.

[Spudman***]

How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it.


How do you cook toilet paper?
Brown on one side and toss it in the pot.


What's green and red and goes 50 mph?
Frog in a blender.


What's green on the inside and white on the outside and hops?
A frog sandwich.

[Ch0jin]

This one may be a little much, but it made me laugh (and my brother put it on the announcement board in his church).



If it's inappropriate y'all let me know and I'll voluntarily remove it.

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! That was great.

My old man was a carpenter so I shot that over to him as well.

[oldguy]

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

'And by the way, ' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

[warren0728]

^^ now that's funny....i don't care who you are! ^^

[bigoldron]

OK, so I'll share my favorite cheesy joke for 9 year-olds:

How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and put peas around it.
When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole!

[Spudman***]

What do you call a happy Roman?

Gladiator

[pes_laul]

do you catch a tiger?

Dig a hole and fill it with ashes and put peas around it, and when it comes by to take a pea kick it in the ashhole

EDIT: My bad I posted pretty much the same joke as bigoldron:

[Spudman***]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?


Elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

[peachhead***]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"


A vulture boards an airplane with two dead raccoons. The flight attendant says to him, "Sorry, only one carrion per passenger."

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... 'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!