More band woes - this time my story :-(

[sunvalleylaw]

Lev, I totally sympathize with making the needs of you family and new child, and mother of your child first in priority. But I guess then you need to decide do your priorities match up with these guys and their goals. Of course they should have consulted you first, and they should not play the guilt card on you. You should talk directly and honestly with them about that. But also, since there is not much year left, and you said you needed to dial back until the end of the year, the schedule for rest of the year should be discussed, and what happens after that.

Your life changed so you will need to make adjustments, and hopefully they match up with the goals of this band. They may not though. As a father of three, I also suggest you talk honestly and directly with your wife about a reasonable amount of time to devote to your music. You have been making practices, and one night out for a gig in two months should be ok I would think.

I support your working through this, and offer this as another Dad who tries to find a balance. Not easy for sure, and open communication with all concerned is a must. But in the long run, your never leaving the house for a year will not make anyone happy. Just my rambling thoughts on the matter.

EDIT: One other thought, make sure you take on making time for the two of you in some way regularly. Whether it is taking care of dinner and bringing a movie home, or arranging a sitter and making dinner reservations or time for just a walk. Very important, and very easy to overlook as family responsibility pushes you toward "shift work" ie, your turn for some time, her turn for some time. Though you should encourage her to take some time for herself and help that happen. Even if it is only you taking over for a while so she can take an uninterrupted bath.

Do those things and also make a little time for yourself, like to play a gig once in a while. It may or may not be the commitment to this band, but do take some time for you.